A Million Little Pieces #6

A Million Little Pieces is James Frey's account of his six weeks in rehab for drug and alcohol addiction. At age 23, Frey has been an addict for over a decade. One day he wakes up to find himself on a plane headed to an unkown destination. His parents meet him at the airport and bring him to a treatment center in Minnesota. At first James does not want to get better, but with the help of friends and counselors he learns how special life is. He falls in love with Lilly, a crack addict and prostitute who is in rehab as well. James befriends an organized crime leader, judges, boxers, and everything in between. His friends would not all be friends outside of rehab, but being in the same situation brings them together. With a family program put on by the clinic James is able to reconcile with his parents and repair some of the damage from his past. James is tested and tempted, but through it all he is able to remain sober.



In this last section, James is released from rehab. The night before he leaves James can't sleep. He walks outside and thinks to himself, "I am scared. I am scared of leaving here. I am scared of losing the protection and security that exists within these boundaries. I am scared of going to Jail, I am scared of alcohol and drugs and I am scared of drinking alcohol and using drugs," (Frey 416). I think that being scared shows James is truly ready to live a sober life. It shows how James has realized how much better his life is without drugs and alcohol and is afraid of what will happen if he starts using again. James has gotten comfortable with being sober in a very controlled, safe environment, but being outside where there are drugs and alcohol is going to be very difficult. Hopefully this fear will help James resist the temptation of using and will keep him sober. After a long night, James says goodbye to his friends, counselors, and everyone who helped him out at the clinic. He even breaks the rules, once again, and says goodbye to Lilly and tells her he loves her. James is picked up by his brother and friend. When asked what he wants to do, James replies that he wants to go to a bar. His brother is disappointed, but knows that James will find a way to a bar and it would be best if he was there to watch over him. At the bar, James orders a huge glass of whiskey. He sits there with his nose in the drink, his body pleading for it. James looks up into the mirror behind the bar and looks into his eyes and is happy with what he sees. He realizes he has a simple decision, to drink or not. He calls to the barkeep and says, "Dump this sh*t down the f*cking drain. I don't want it," (Frey 429). James made up his mind not to drink, and was strong enough to turn down the addiction that was staring him right in the face. This is James' first time durning down a drink without something or someone there to stop him, he did it because he wanted to. He has come a long way from chugging gas station wine in the begining to turning down his favorite whiskey. Hopefully living sober will only get easier for James. At the very end James informs us of how all of the people in the story ended up. Unfortunately, not all of the stories have happy endings, but at least James has remained sober and has never relapsed. I congratulate him on his journey so far and with him luck with what is to come in his life.



Source
Frey, James. A Million Little Pieces. New York: Anchor, 2005. *A Million Little Pieces should be underlined, but BlogSpot won't let me

A Million Little Pieces #5

James Frey writes his trip through drug and alcohol addiction treatment in his memoir A Million Little Pieces. Thus far in the story, James has woken up on a plane all beat up not knowing where he is. He is taken to a rehab facility in Minnesota and has a hard time accepting the program. He falls in love with Lilly, a former prostitute and a recovering crack addict. Along the way he chooses to go after her when she relapses and brings her back to the center. In the most recent section of the book, James prepares to leave the center. A few days before James is scheduled to leave, his best friend Leonard leaves. As a sort of going away present to his friends, Leonard caters in food and pays for the championship wrestling match to be shown on t.v. It allows the men to feel normal for a while and to relax. When Leonard leaves, he asks James to be a sort of son to him. James is honored, and accepts. After Leonard departs, James is on to the final step of his recovery that is to be completed at the rehab center. He writes a list of all his bad actions so that he can tell a priest and he can start his life fresh, with no regrets. While with the priest, James admits that he hates priests because while in Paris, he was sexually assulted by a priest and he beat the priest up so badly he might have died. After admitting everything, James feels renewed and ready to start his life over.





Throughout the book I have been struck by how well James describes the need the addicts have to fill themselves. This makes the addiction so much more real and powerful when it is an actual need, no longer a choice. While observing the men eat while watching the wrestling match James says, "The food is a drug, a drink, a chemical, a substance. No one cares that they are getting all they can handle, that they have more than they need. If they could, the men would eat the furniture, the bookshelves, the plates, the napkins, the banquet tables, the coffee machine," (Frey 378). Saying that the men would eat the furniture shows how great the need to fill is. If drugs and alcohol are not around, addicts still need to fill themselves. By carrying this immense need throughout the book, Frey does an excellent job of explaining that an addiction never goes away. Even in treatment, the men feel the need to fill. Though they get better at controling the need, it is always present.

As Leonard turns to leave, he gives James one last piece of advice. He says, "Be strong. Live honorable and with dignity. When you don't think you can, hold on. I'm proud of you and you should be proud of yourself" (Frey 391). This is incredibly important for James to hear. He feels that there are others cheering him on and supporting him, which he has never experienced before. He is used to being a disappointment, and hearing that someone is proud of him is something new to James. Knowing that Leonard has faith in James gives James more faith in himself. Leonard does not scold James for his past, he simply advises James on how to live out the future. Such hope makes James feel like he can live sober. Without Leonard to support him, it will be hard for James, but hopefully the last piece of advice will help James through it.

So far in treatment, James has been tested. He has come into direct contact with drugs, but has refrained because he had to rescue Lilly. Once he is out of the center, I am curious how he will do when faced with his addictions. I am hoping things will turn out for the best, but without something more important present to stop him, I am not so sure. Granted, I know that he stays sober because it says so on the back of the book, but I am attempting to read the story as if I don't know the outcome. Even so, I wish James the best of luck.

Source

Frey, James. A Million Little Pieces. New York: Anchor, 2005. *A Million Little Pieces should be underlined, but BlogSpot won't let me

A Million Little Pieces #4

A Million Pieces is James Frey's account of his time in rehab for his drug and alcohol addiction. At age twenty-three, James has been an adict for a decade. After waking up on a plane all beat up, James is taken to a treatment center. He originally wants to leave, but is convinced to stay by Leonard, a friend. James meets Lilly and, even though male-female relationships are off limits, the two fall in love. James' parents come to visit and they grow closer than ever once the whole story of James' addiction is out in the open. Even though James is sentenced to jail, his family gathers around him and supports him. In the latest section I read, James' parents have just left the center. Suddenly, Lilly calls James from her floor and informs him that she just found out her grandma has cancer and will die within six months. Lilly's grandma is the only one who believed in Lilly and treater her like a person, so the news devastates Lilly. James agrees to meet her in the woods, where they are caught together. James and Lilly are given a chance to continue at the center but are forbidden to see eachother. Upon hearing this, Lilly walks out. Taking a huge risk, James leaves to find her. James finds a crack dealer and learns that Lilly is in an abandon building where people go to smoke. He takes a huge risk and goes to get Lilly. He is so tempted to use the drugs so close to him in the building, but his love for Lilly is stronger. When he finds her, she is high. James takes her back with him to the clinic where she is put back in detoxification.



James' incredible actions keep me hooked on the story, but his true skill in writing comes from his ability to make the emotions and needs of people around him so evident. For example, the telephone is so much more than a phone. James describes communications as normal and, "In here, everything resembling normalcy is coveted. The phone is always busy because men want to be in contact with the normal outside world. Letters are eagerly awaited and opened because they are physical contact with it," (Frey 332). This really made me think about how much I take for granted. I can go out with friends. I can walk through my neighborhood. I can have pain killers when I have surgery (which James has to go without when he gets a double root canal). I think going without these things, like the men and women in rehab, would be very difficult because it is just my normal way of life. Through the examples of the phone and letters, I feel the desperate want something "normal".



When James is in the building to retrieve Lilly, he walks past many people smoking crack before he finds her. When he steps in one room to look for Lilly, "The smell of crack, like bittersweet peppermint gasoline, drifts through the room. The smell taunts me and it enrages me I would love to taste that smell, but I want Lilly more than the great and terrible rock," (Frey 353). To me, this part in the book is a confirmation to me that James is able to get better. The reader sees that drugs do not rule James' life like they used to. His priorities have been arranged, and love comes before addiction. It also shows how strong James' love for Lilly is. If he is willing to pass up crack, his drug of choice, for her, he must really love her. This just really makes me feel like James can get better. He was tested, and did not choose the drugs. Even though this is a huge step for James, I wonder how he will do when Lilly or another priority isn't there to stop him from drinking or doing drugs. I hope he is strong enough, but recovery is a long, difficult journey.

James has really improved from someone who only cared about his next high, to a man who would risk everything for the woman he loves. James Frey continues to draw me into the story with a totally different view of addiction. I can only see it as an outsider from a more scientific point of view, but James writes about the emotions and struggles that come with rehab. I am very interested to see how the James does with his recovery.


Source
Frey, James. A Million Little Pieces. New York: Anchor, 2005.*A Million Little Pieces should be underlined, but BlogSpot won't let me