Black Flies #6

Shannon Burke's novel Black Flies tells the story of Ollie Cross, a medic in Harlem during the 1990s. Ollie is fresh out of college and is not ready for the harsh life of an inner-city medic. He is faced with horrible people, who some may argue, do not deserve to be treated. He experiences some bizarre and gruesome cases. In the beginning Ollie was just wanted to help everyone. As he learns more about the world he entered into, he starts to believe it might be better for Harlem if he doesn't help everyone. He starts to think that not everyone deserves help. When his former partner commits suicide, Ollie starts to lose his compassion. Another medic, Marmol, notices this and warns Ollie that this is not good. When Ollie remarks that that he knows who he is and won't lose sight of his morals, Marmol says, "You can get lost up here. This may not be the life you wanted, but here you are, and you're right on the edge of something. We all see it. Who you wanna be, Cross?" (Burke 160). Ollie is starting to lose his morals and his compassion for his victims. Even the other medics are noticing it and are concerned because they like the way Ollie was when he first joined them. Marmol really asks Ollie to consider what he is doing with his life, and if it leads to what he truly wants. It doesn't immediatly do much, however. Ollie continues working with LaFontaine, the most corrupt medic, and does't try to stop his inhumane actions. Ollie says, "Every time I worked with LaFontaine he'd do some f*cked-up thing to the unconscious or the helpless patients. It was like he wanted me to see and was waiting for me to goin him, but I didn't stop him, either. Truthfully, I didn't really care. I thought I already felt completely vacant inside" (Burke 162). While Ollie might not be directly participating in the abuse, he is still an enabler. In my opinion, this is just as bad as participating. It is really interesting how Ollie feels empty inside. Humans need compassion and the desire to do good things to fill them up, and without them Ollie is empty. He lost he love of life and all of the enjoyment that comes with it. Luckily Ollie stops working with LaFontaine for the most part and is encouraged by his new partner.



Ollie begins to work with Verdis, probably the most caring medic. Ollie originally does not help Verdis with the patients at all. He just sits there hollowly and allows Verdis to do all the work. Verdis seems to know that Ollie just needs patience and compassion and he will return to his former self. With Verdis by his side he begins to break out of his shell. Ollie starts working on his patients and even stands up to LaFontaine when LaFontaine wants to leave a man who overdosed. Ollie even finally gets his save. A young girl was electrocuted in the laundry room of an apartment building when the building caught on fire and the showers started going off. Ollie disregards the potential electorcution and shocks the girl and, "On the monitor her rhythm went flat for an even longer time, then bounced up with a heartbeat" (Burke 181). Ollie finally realizes that he loves to care for people and cannot just let an injury go untreated. He saved the girl's life, when many people would have just left her for dead. Ollie has managed to overcome the harsh life of a Harlem medic and remember his morals and compassion. He had a difficult journey, but he is finally successful at being a good medic. Not only is he medically capable, he is emotionally capable and is ready for whatever challenges might come his way.

Source

Burke, Shannon. Black Flies. New York: Soft Skull P, 2008.*Black Flies should be underlined

Black Flies #5

Black Flies by Shannon Burke is a novel about Ollie Cross, a medic in Harlem. Ollie did not get in to medical school so he became a medic so he could at least be working in a medical field until he was accepted at a med school. He realizes that life as a medic in Harlem is not easy. There are corrupted medics and police officers, people who abuse the medical system, and truly bizarre and challenging medical problems. Ollie gets through it with the help of his experience partner, Rutkovsky. However, by now Rutkovsky is starting to change and is not as helpful as he could be to his patients. In the ER one hot summer night, an old woman is calling for water. Rutkovsky goes to give her water, but then another medic remarks that if the woman was really thirsty she couldn't be yelling so loud. Rutkovsky stops with the glass of water in his hand and there is, "A moment of hesitation. Then Rutkovsky drank the water himself in plain view of the thirsty woman" (Burke 106). This just shows how life as a medic in such a messed up town can mess you up. Rutkovsky was never super friendly with his patients, but he always tried to make sure they were comfortable. By drinking a glass of water in front of a thirsty woman, he is trying to show off his power. Because Rutkovsky is old, I think that he feels as if he is loosing some of his power. He now feels the need to remind others that he does have that power, even if it comes at the expense of his patients. Later on, Rutkovsky freaks out and gets very angry when the son of a patient pulls a knife on him trying to ensure that Rutkovsky saves his mother's life. Rutkovsky's job as a medic is becoming shakier.



One day, Rutkovsky and Ollie are called to a scene where a crack addict is giving birth to her baby, supposedly a stillborn, and is cutting the ambilical cord with a broken crack pipe. The woman is HIV positive, had the baby two months early, and regularly smoked crack and took methadone while pregnant. While Ollie is questioning the mother, Rutkovsky is in another room with the baby. Rutkovsky insists that the baby is dead, but a cop that later came to the scene swears he saw the baby breathe. Rutkovsky covers the baby in a towel and the police take it away. A few minutes later the police man comes in and "'Well,' he said. 'That dead baby is breathing'" (Burke 118). It comes out that Rutkovsky wanted to keep the baby from having the experience the horrible world he was born into and it results in him getting fired. Back at the station, Ollie refuses to give out any information that would harm Rutkovsky. He maintains that he was treating the mother and didn't know anything about the baby. Ollie wants to remain a good friend and remember Rutkovsky as a good partner. I think that this news that Rutkovsky purposely attempted to kill a baby shows Ollie that even the best medics can be corrupted and that he should always be on the lookout for his morals going away. Later Ollie goes to visit Rutkovsky but they do not talk about the baby.



Life continues on for Ollie but he switches around partners. Then one day he again sees Rutkovsky and Rutkovsky admits to him that he didn't want the baby to have to experience such a horrible life. One day a call comes in about a man shot in the park. That man turns out to be Rutkovsky who killed himself. Ollie thinks that he did it as some sort of final joke. He shot himself in a location where he knew the medics who would be called and shot himself in a way that his face was completely destroyed, but he was still living and slowly bled to death. It was a gross thing, but I am hoping that it will serve as a reminder to Ollie that he cannot allow himself to be corrupted.

Source

Burke, Shannon. Black Flies. New York: Soft Skull P, 2008.*Black Flies should be underlined

Black Flies #4

In Shannon Burke's novel Black Flies the life of a medic in Harlem during the 1990s is revealed. Ollie Cross is a young medic, fresh out of college, who can't quite make it into medical school so he becomes a medic to get some experience. He discovers that being a medic is a difficult job, both physically and mentally. He works on the most damaged victims and struggles to understand the mindset of the world he entered. In this section, Ollie sees one of his fellow medics sort of lose it. This medic, Verdis, takes up ventriloquism and uses a pupet to talk to patients. Ollie starts to realize just how much the job can mess with one's head. He later works the Harlem Street Festival where the crowd continually surges due to fights, gunshots, and general unrest. At one point, teenagers begin to shoot guns into the crowd and the crowd stampedes. There are lost children, people burned by oil from the food carts being tipped over, asthmatics having attacks, multiple broken bones, and even mothers giving birth all at the same time. However, instead of being overwhelmed Ollie is thrilled. He feels the excitement of the pressure and his desire to help people. He realizes how he truly comes alive in the face of a crisis. Ollie witnesses LaFontaine, another medic, soaking a man's bandage in hydrogen peroxide and putting it on his head so that his hair became a brilliant orange as a practical joke. He is also warned about his partner, Rutkovsky, and how he is getting old and might not be able to keep up with the pressure. Ollie continually defends his partner and says Rutkovsky is the best medic he has ever seen. One day, Rutkovsky and Ollie go to the beach just for fun. They learn more about each other, and, for the first time since his girlfriend broke up with him, Ollie feels like he has a friend. Rutkovsky repeatedly tells Ollie to get out of the medic lifestyle. He also shows Ollie his Silver Star Medal from the war and Ollie realizes how special his friend is.



While working as a medic, Ollie sees some pretty weird things. One hot summer day, a woman is walking naked down Broadway, obviously out of her right mind. The medics bring her to a physc unit and she enters, "and sat in front of the intern: naked, tangled hair crawling with lice, rolls of grime-covered fat on her belly, black toenails, sweat running in clean rivulets down her filthy skin" (Burke 94). This is just disgusting to think about and, if this is what Ollie experiences every day, I understand why medics could get a little bit messed up. This is not normal society. If a person is continually around people with mental problems, they lose sight of normal. I think this helps contribute to the medics having weird habbits, such as speaking to patients through puppets.



Ollie and the medics often receive many fake calls. Ollie explains that, "By law, EMS was required to respond to all calls equally, so every night Rolly got loaded on vodka then called the ambulance and got a free taxi ride to a free place to stay with a free dinner and breakfast. He had over 320 ER visits that year" (Burke 98). This just shows how our health care system in the United States is often abused. While it is good that all calls are responded to equally when there are actually emergency calls, these fake calls can take away from time that medics spend treating people that actually need help. Ollie sees how he is often just used. The medics see this and it affects how they treat patients that actually need help. They can never be quite sure that every problem is real. They might then not treat every patient fully because they might think the person is faking. In a place as violence ridden as Harlem, the medics are always busy and they shouldn't have to waste time on fake calls.



So far Ollie is staying slipping in his morals. While he no longer speaks up when another medic might be abusing his patient, Ollie does not abuse his own. However, to me, being a bistander to injustice is participating in injustice. I was hoping Ollie would be able to change the medics and how they treat their patients. So far he hasn't done anything, but there is still time.

Source
Burke, Shannon. Black Flies. New York: Soft Skull P, 2008.*Black Flies should be underlined

Black Flies #3

Shannon Burke's novel Black Flies tells the story of Ollie Cross, a paramedic in Harlem during the 1990s. Ollie did not get into medical school so he is taking the opportunity to practice medicine while being a medic. He learns that medics are not always the "good guys" and often abuse their patients. However, he slowly finds himself blending in the with others and condoning the abusive behavior. The days are jam packed for a medic in the inner city. In this section, Ollie and his partner, Rutkovsky, experience a suicidal man whom Ollie stupidly bursts in on. A cop that often works with the Harlem medics, Pastori, "thinks" that a teenage boy is disrespecting him and forces the boy's boss to beat the boy up for Pastori's entertainment. Another medic, Hatsuru, encourages Ollie to block out everything about being a medic except for the medical aspects so that he does not become like the other medics. Ollie's morals are challenged when he is called to treat an elderly woman with fluid in her lungs. When Rutkovsky leans the woman backwards so that the fluid begins to drown her Ollie is forced to question it is best to let the woman escape her horrible life in the nursing home or save her life. However, the nurse comes in and Rutkovsky is forced to return the woman to her upright position so that she is no longer drowning. Back at the station the medics discuss whether a good medic is capable of not caring for their patients, but the issue is not resolved. Ollie knows he is becoming a good medic when he is able to keep up with Rutkovsky when they treat a patient with heart failure. Sadly, Ollie and his girlfriend, Cara's, relationship suffers because he is becoming more like the other medics with an "I don't care" attitude. On top of this, Ollie's family comes to visit and they are shocked that he works in an environment so different from the proper one he was brought up in. Back at work, Ollie and the rest of the medics and police men are faced with a problem when Mitch Green, a former boxer, is high and disturbing the peace. Another medic, Verdis, is kind to Green and is able to distract him while the other medics and police men pin him down. Even though Ollie is part of this "victory", Clara breaks up with him and he realizes that he cannot keep up both his medic self and his med student self.



A big shock comes to Ollie when LaFontaine, another medic, tells him, "Try to be the good guy. Try to be the hero. But not here. These people are animals. Give em a chance and they'll tear your head off" (Burke 56). Ollie is being fed the idea that his patients are not people, but animals and he is eating it up. This is one of the reasons he is starting to not care about his patients as much. He does not think that these people deserve the best help he can give them. This shows how he is becoming more and more like the other medics. I was hoping that Ollie would be different, but he sadly seems to be buying in to the medic way of life. It makes sense that Harlem was so crime ridden and poor during the 1990s. If the people were being treated like animals they would not want to make things better. If they were continually told they were animals, they would gradually begin to believe that. Hopefully Ollie will realize that this belief is wrong and will help everyone the best that he can.



When Ollie and Rutkovsky are called to help the elderly woman Rutkovsky opts to let the woman drown. Ollie says, " I guess I thought I wouldn't have drowned her myself, but she was a hundred and one years old. What did it matter if she died or not?" (Burke 66). Ollie is starting to question whether it is better to let someone die and escape from the horrible world around them or to save their life and let them continue living in the world. In some situations it might seem kinder to let the person die rather than live in a neighborhood so full of crime and poverty where they had no hope. On the other hand, if the person lived they could potentially make a difference. This is a touchy issue that has no definate solution. I think that Ollie will fall in with the other medics and use the excuse that the patient is "in a better place" to justify his lack of treatment.



Ollie is being forced to decide whether he wants to believe that his patients are good people who deserve to live, or if it is better to just let them die. So far he has wavered in his opinion, but I think he will soon be forced to chose a side. I am hoping that he sees the good in people and treats them to the best of his ability.

Source
Burke, Shannon. Black Flies. New York: Soft Skull P, 2008.
*Black Flies should be underlined

Black Flies #2

In Shannon Burke's novel Black Flies Ollie Cross is a medic in Harlem during the 1990s. Fresh out of college, Ollie did not get into med school so he decides to get some experience and becomes a medic. He experiences the many gruesome scenes that come with being a medic in one of the most violent, poverty ridden cities. He sees the dead bodies of teenagers who have committed suicide, helps to save an old asthmatic, rushes gun shot victims to hospitals, and learns how the some of the other medics abuse their patients just becuase they can. So far Ollie is just starting to become "one of the guys" and is begining to fit in with the other medics. In this reading Ollie is present when a diabetic dies and goes into an apartment only to find a rotting body. As disturbing as these occurences may be, he is eager to learn and help and pays close attention to everything going on around him. He is also called to speak to the chief and is warned to look out for his partner Rutkovsky who, though an exceptional medic, might be starting to burn out. He learns to watch out for LaFontaine, another medic who pretends not to care about anything and abuses many of his patients just because he can. Ollie continues to learn and adapts to the life of a medic.

One day Ollie and LaFontaine are talking and LaFontaine asks Ollie to guess what day he is on. Not understanding, Ollie asks what he is talking about. LaFontaine replies, "Seventeen days without anyone thanking me. I keep track," (Burke 35). Ollie has grown up in a stable family and is used to people being polite and grateful for help. He does not quite no how to respond to the comment and just sits there. Even though Ollie is adapting to the difficult life of a medic in Harlem, I think he still believes people are good and have just gone through hard times. He is starting to realize that not all people are naturally good and polite and just need a little help to break free from their current surroundings. I am shocked that people do not thank the medics that just saved their lives. A life is very valuable, and if someone saves it for you, that is a big deal. Thinking about this, maybe the patients don't say thank you because they do not feel as if their lives were valuable. They live in one of the worst, most poverty stricken, crime ridden cities in the United States and might not feel as if life is totally worth living. This is something I can continue to look for.

Ollie later mentions some things he has seen but the reader has not been given a full account of. The medics are sitting around talking and they talk about how messed up the city is. They mention things they see on a daily basis, like, "...a teenager giving birth in a hallway, a guy lighting himself on fire and jumping out a window, dozens of rotting bodies in various stages of decay," (Burke 49). Sadly, this is becoming Ollie's life. He is surrounded by so much destruction and despair. It has caused some of the other medics to abandon their morals, and this could very easily happen to Ollie. I am still shocked at how difficult like as a medic is. Dealing with all of these awful things on a daily basis would be too hard for me. I think Ollie is becoming more comfortable with all of these things because he experiences them every day. I continue to hope that Ollie does not become immune to these tragedies and become abusive like the other medics.

So far Ollie has shown an eagerness to help, but I am unsure whether he will be able to keep up that attitude when he is surrounded by so many horrible things. I think this will take a toll on his relationships and how he even views himself. Hopefully is able to remain a "good guy".

Source
Burke, Shannon. Black Flies. New York: Soft Skull P, 2008.
*Black Flies should be underlined

Black Flies #1

Shannon Burke's novel Black Flies is the story of Ollie Cross, a paramedic in Harlem in the 1990s. Ollie wants to go to medical school and be a doctor, but he does not have good enough MCAT scores to get in. In order to get some experience, Ollie works on an ambulance. He is shocked by what he finds. Ollie expected the medics to truly love saving people, however he learns not all the medics are the "good guys". They may treat patients, but they do not always do it with kindness and often abuse the people they are "helping". The patients are as diverse as the medics. Ollie encounters everyone from old homeless asthmatics to teenagers who have committed suicide to an obese man found rotting in his apartment. Black Flies recounts Ollie's experiences and how he responds to different emergency situations. When Ollie originally joins the Harlem medics, he is partnered with Rutkovsky, the veteran of the group. He immediately likes Rutkovsky because he is an excellent medic who does not abuse the patients or seek praise. So far in the novel Ollie is just adapting to the life of a paramedic and continues to be shocked by the people and injuries he comes in contact with.

Ollie's first real challenge comes when he is called to the scene of a teen suicide. A girl was found after jumping off a thirty floor building dead. It is not just the death that shocks him, it is the gruesomeness of it. Upon reaching the body Rutkovsky, "...bent and felt her neck and the back of her skill and lifted her shirt to examine her torso and saw what she'd done before she jumped - in rough, scraggly, red letters the words LIFE SUCKS were carved into her belly," (Burke 6). Ollie is just out of college and comes from a nice family. This is not something is he used to. Because the girl is obviously dead and does not require medical attention, Ollie is too stunned by what he is seeing to act. He watches his partner examine the body but does not participate. It must have come as quite a shock to discover the world is really so dark. I can relate to Ollie, coming from a nice family where I do not come into contact with death on a daily basis. This was disgusting for me to even read about! Just imagining the girl feeling so opressed by death that she would carve her stomach and jump of a building is enough to make me queasy. Reading this really made me decide not to go into medicine. Experiencing these things and having to be the strong person who acts and does not let the scene disturb them would not work for me. This scene broke my heart to hear of a girl so mad at life that she would kill herself, but also makes me squirm in disgust picturing the body.

I was also shocked to hear some of the terrible things the paramedics do. I would like to think that medics are the good guys who want to help everyone, but reading about these medics abusing their patients, leaving rotting dog carcases in each other's cars and taking pictures of them holding dead body parts really made me reconsider this thought. One of the medics that Ollie works with is LaFontaine. He likes to think of himself as the "big man on campus" who doesn't care about his patients and can take advantage of them. LaFontaine keeps, "... a snapshot of himself holding a fourteen-year-old girl's head like a bowling ball with his fingers in her nostrils, and in the alley in the background, forty-ouncers set up like bowling pins, as if he were about to roll her head at the bottles," (Burke 34). Ollie is once again shocked that a person he thought was a hero for saving lives could be so disrespectful to a dead girl. He is beginning to realize that things are not always as they seem to be. Someone may wear the medic outfit and save lives, but in actuality they are abusive to patients and disrespect them once they are dead. Picturing the photo is my head is very disturbing. Like Ollie, I like to think of paramedics as the good guys who like to help everyone as much as possible. I do think that one of the reasons these medics are so messed up is because of what they experience every day. They work in Harlem, so they see lots of nasty sights. After a while that takes a toll on a person and they become insensitive to it. I am hoping that Ollie does not fall into those habits and is able to remember that he wants to work in medicine to help others, not just make a pay check.

Black Flies is a very interesting account of life as a medic. I am hoping being a medic in Harlem is more gruesome than being a medic in most other places because if this is what is actually occuring all over the United States, that is a very disturbing thought. Hopefully Ollie is able to stand true to his morals and makes a difference in the lives of the people he helps.

Source
Burke, Shannon. Black Flies. New York: Soft Skull P, 2008.
*Black Flies should be underlined

A Million Little Pieces #6

A Million Little Pieces is James Frey's account of his six weeks in rehab for drug and alcohol addiction. At age 23, Frey has been an addict for over a decade. One day he wakes up to find himself on a plane headed to an unkown destination. His parents meet him at the airport and bring him to a treatment center in Minnesota. At first James does not want to get better, but with the help of friends and counselors he learns how special life is. He falls in love with Lilly, a crack addict and prostitute who is in rehab as well. James befriends an organized crime leader, judges, boxers, and everything in between. His friends would not all be friends outside of rehab, but being in the same situation brings them together. With a family program put on by the clinic James is able to reconcile with his parents and repair some of the damage from his past. James is tested and tempted, but through it all he is able to remain sober.



In this last section, James is released from rehab. The night before he leaves James can't sleep. He walks outside and thinks to himself, "I am scared. I am scared of leaving here. I am scared of losing the protection and security that exists within these boundaries. I am scared of going to Jail, I am scared of alcohol and drugs and I am scared of drinking alcohol and using drugs," (Frey 416). I think that being scared shows James is truly ready to live a sober life. It shows how James has realized how much better his life is without drugs and alcohol and is afraid of what will happen if he starts using again. James has gotten comfortable with being sober in a very controlled, safe environment, but being outside where there are drugs and alcohol is going to be very difficult. Hopefully this fear will help James resist the temptation of using and will keep him sober. After a long night, James says goodbye to his friends, counselors, and everyone who helped him out at the clinic. He even breaks the rules, once again, and says goodbye to Lilly and tells her he loves her. James is picked up by his brother and friend. When asked what he wants to do, James replies that he wants to go to a bar. His brother is disappointed, but knows that James will find a way to a bar and it would be best if he was there to watch over him. At the bar, James orders a huge glass of whiskey. He sits there with his nose in the drink, his body pleading for it. James looks up into the mirror behind the bar and looks into his eyes and is happy with what he sees. He realizes he has a simple decision, to drink or not. He calls to the barkeep and says, "Dump this sh*t down the f*cking drain. I don't want it," (Frey 429). James made up his mind not to drink, and was strong enough to turn down the addiction that was staring him right in the face. This is James' first time durning down a drink without something or someone there to stop him, he did it because he wanted to. He has come a long way from chugging gas station wine in the begining to turning down his favorite whiskey. Hopefully living sober will only get easier for James. At the very end James informs us of how all of the people in the story ended up. Unfortunately, not all of the stories have happy endings, but at least James has remained sober and has never relapsed. I congratulate him on his journey so far and with him luck with what is to come in his life.



Source
Frey, James. A Million Little Pieces. New York: Anchor, 2005. *A Million Little Pieces should be underlined, but BlogSpot won't let me

A Million Little Pieces #5

James Frey writes his trip through drug and alcohol addiction treatment in his memoir A Million Little Pieces. Thus far in the story, James has woken up on a plane all beat up not knowing where he is. He is taken to a rehab facility in Minnesota and has a hard time accepting the program. He falls in love with Lilly, a former prostitute and a recovering crack addict. Along the way he chooses to go after her when she relapses and brings her back to the center. In the most recent section of the book, James prepares to leave the center. A few days before James is scheduled to leave, his best friend Leonard leaves. As a sort of going away present to his friends, Leonard caters in food and pays for the championship wrestling match to be shown on t.v. It allows the men to feel normal for a while and to relax. When Leonard leaves, he asks James to be a sort of son to him. James is honored, and accepts. After Leonard departs, James is on to the final step of his recovery that is to be completed at the rehab center. He writes a list of all his bad actions so that he can tell a priest and he can start his life fresh, with no regrets. While with the priest, James admits that he hates priests because while in Paris, he was sexually assulted by a priest and he beat the priest up so badly he might have died. After admitting everything, James feels renewed and ready to start his life over.





Throughout the book I have been struck by how well James describes the need the addicts have to fill themselves. This makes the addiction so much more real and powerful when it is an actual need, no longer a choice. While observing the men eat while watching the wrestling match James says, "The food is a drug, a drink, a chemical, a substance. No one cares that they are getting all they can handle, that they have more than they need. If they could, the men would eat the furniture, the bookshelves, the plates, the napkins, the banquet tables, the coffee machine," (Frey 378). Saying that the men would eat the furniture shows how great the need to fill is. If drugs and alcohol are not around, addicts still need to fill themselves. By carrying this immense need throughout the book, Frey does an excellent job of explaining that an addiction never goes away. Even in treatment, the men feel the need to fill. Though they get better at controling the need, it is always present.

As Leonard turns to leave, he gives James one last piece of advice. He says, "Be strong. Live honorable and with dignity. When you don't think you can, hold on. I'm proud of you and you should be proud of yourself" (Frey 391). This is incredibly important for James to hear. He feels that there are others cheering him on and supporting him, which he has never experienced before. He is used to being a disappointment, and hearing that someone is proud of him is something new to James. Knowing that Leonard has faith in James gives James more faith in himself. Leonard does not scold James for his past, he simply advises James on how to live out the future. Such hope makes James feel like he can live sober. Without Leonard to support him, it will be hard for James, but hopefully the last piece of advice will help James through it.

So far in treatment, James has been tested. He has come into direct contact with drugs, but has refrained because he had to rescue Lilly. Once he is out of the center, I am curious how he will do when faced with his addictions. I am hoping things will turn out for the best, but without something more important present to stop him, I am not so sure. Granted, I know that he stays sober because it says so on the back of the book, but I am attempting to read the story as if I don't know the outcome. Even so, I wish James the best of luck.

Source

Frey, James. A Million Little Pieces. New York: Anchor, 2005. *A Million Little Pieces should be underlined, but BlogSpot won't let me

A Million Little Pieces #4

A Million Pieces is James Frey's account of his time in rehab for his drug and alcohol addiction. At age twenty-three, James has been an adict for a decade. After waking up on a plane all beat up, James is taken to a treatment center. He originally wants to leave, but is convinced to stay by Leonard, a friend. James meets Lilly and, even though male-female relationships are off limits, the two fall in love. James' parents come to visit and they grow closer than ever once the whole story of James' addiction is out in the open. Even though James is sentenced to jail, his family gathers around him and supports him. In the latest section I read, James' parents have just left the center. Suddenly, Lilly calls James from her floor and informs him that she just found out her grandma has cancer and will die within six months. Lilly's grandma is the only one who believed in Lilly and treater her like a person, so the news devastates Lilly. James agrees to meet her in the woods, where they are caught together. James and Lilly are given a chance to continue at the center but are forbidden to see eachother. Upon hearing this, Lilly walks out. Taking a huge risk, James leaves to find her. James finds a crack dealer and learns that Lilly is in an abandon building where people go to smoke. He takes a huge risk and goes to get Lilly. He is so tempted to use the drugs so close to him in the building, but his love for Lilly is stronger. When he finds her, she is high. James takes her back with him to the clinic where she is put back in detoxification.



James' incredible actions keep me hooked on the story, but his true skill in writing comes from his ability to make the emotions and needs of people around him so evident. For example, the telephone is so much more than a phone. James describes communications as normal and, "In here, everything resembling normalcy is coveted. The phone is always busy because men want to be in contact with the normal outside world. Letters are eagerly awaited and opened because they are physical contact with it," (Frey 332). This really made me think about how much I take for granted. I can go out with friends. I can walk through my neighborhood. I can have pain killers when I have surgery (which James has to go without when he gets a double root canal). I think going without these things, like the men and women in rehab, would be very difficult because it is just my normal way of life. Through the examples of the phone and letters, I feel the desperate want something "normal".



When James is in the building to retrieve Lilly, he walks past many people smoking crack before he finds her. When he steps in one room to look for Lilly, "The smell of crack, like bittersweet peppermint gasoline, drifts through the room. The smell taunts me and it enrages me I would love to taste that smell, but I want Lilly more than the great and terrible rock," (Frey 353). To me, this part in the book is a confirmation to me that James is able to get better. The reader sees that drugs do not rule James' life like they used to. His priorities have been arranged, and love comes before addiction. It also shows how strong James' love for Lilly is. If he is willing to pass up crack, his drug of choice, for her, he must really love her. This just really makes me feel like James can get better. He was tested, and did not choose the drugs. Even though this is a huge step for James, I wonder how he will do when Lilly or another priority isn't there to stop him from drinking or doing drugs. I hope he is strong enough, but recovery is a long, difficult journey.

James has really improved from someone who only cared about his next high, to a man who would risk everything for the woman he loves. James Frey continues to draw me into the story with a totally different view of addiction. I can only see it as an outsider from a more scientific point of view, but James writes about the emotions and struggles that come with rehab. I am very interested to see how the James does with his recovery.


Source
Frey, James. A Million Little Pieces. New York: Anchor, 2005.*A Million Little Pieces should be underlined, but BlogSpot won't let me

On The Waterfront

In On The Waterfront, the characters struggle with the difference between a traitor and a whistle blower. Many want to inform the police of the mob’s activities, but are afraid to be considered a traitor because they might get hurt. Only a few people are strong enough to risk going against the mob. Joey, Doogan, and Terry are a few insiders willing to stand up and tell the truth about the mob. In the beginning, they seem to believe that telling the police anything would label them as a traitor and could result in their deaths, which does happen to Joey and Doogan. By the mob setting the definition of traitor as anyone who spills information on them and punishing traitors with death, the workers do not want to inform the police of the criminal activity that is occurring on the waterfront. As the movie goes on, people like Doogan and Terry learn that the only way to fix the injustice that is occurring is to inform the police and stand up to the mob. Even though it is difficult, these men learn that because they are working for the greater good they are whistle blowers, not traitors. Even though Doogan is killed, Terry is not deterred. He realizes that being a whistle blower is a good thing when it will help him and all of his friends. In the begining, the workers are afraid for their lives and are not willing to be considered "traitors" by the mob's definition. As the movie goes on, a few men such as Doogan and Terry learn that they are not traitors, they are whistle blowers, which is a good thing because they are helping make better lives for all of the workers.

I think that there is a fine line between being a "tattle-tale" and speaking up about improper behavior. However, I basically believe that being a "tattle-tale" is when you purposely point out when someone is doing something wrong just to get that person in trouble. Generally, this occurs when the person's actions are not affecting anyone else but the tattle-tale just wants to get them in trouble. A person who speaks up about improper behavior is someone who looks out for the good of all people involved. They do what they do to keep people safe and make the world a better place, not just to see someone get in trouble. Basically, they are working for the "greater good". I think that whether one is perceived as a tattle-tale or whistle blower depends on the person doing the labeling. People have different opinions and look at motives in different ways. I could speak up against something I think is wrong but I could be seen as being a tattle-tale if the action isn't very extreme. There is no definite line between being a tattle-tale and whistle blower, in my opinion. I think it changes depending on situations and the people involved.

A Million Little Pieces #3

Thus far in A Million Little Pieces, James Frey has woken up on an airplane all beat up. He is a drug addict and alcoholic, and has been since elementary school. He is taken to a treatment center in Minnesota and has been forced to endure a double root canal without any pain medication. He is finding rehab to be very difficult and wants to leave. He stays, however, for his friend Leonard and more-than-a-friend Lilly. Even though male-female relationships are off limits, James realizes that love is worth the risk and continues with his relationship. Also, James has been enrolled in the family program. He has never had a good relationship with his parents, and is furious that they would come. When his parents come, James originally has a hard time but as they go through the program, the family grows closer together. A bump in the road for the family is learning that James has to go to jail. It is difficult, but manages to bring them together and realize how much they need each other. James does experience some tension with the staff by outwardly rejecting the 12 Steps. He sees it as replacing one addiction with another, and does not want to be addicted any longer. The counselors doubt him, but James continues with his journey.

One thing that really struck me about this part of the story is how the tragedy of James having to go to jail brings the family together. I would have thought it would tear them farther apart, but it does the opposite. James describes it saying, “We hold each other. We are a Family. Though I have been their child for twenty-three years, we have never been a Family. We are now” (Frey 285). I think at this point the family realizes they need each other to get through such a hard time. Hopefully the support of his family will help James through his treatment.

Another quote that stuck out to me is said by James after another man in treatment tells him about how his girlfriend, Lilly, was sexually mistreated. He says, “Did it make you feel like you were different from her, even though you know you’re not, or did it make you feel good, even though deep inside you feel like a piece of sh*t?” (Frey 322). I was shocked at how real this is. It is human nature to want to put others down so you can feel better than yourself. I am also happy that James stood up for his girlfriend while not denying her past. It shows how he is getting his life back together.

In the beginning of the book, James had awful ethics. He only cared about getting his next fix; not who he would hurt or abuse in achieving his high. He himself says to his parents, “I f*cked up your life, all of our lives, and I’m truly truly sorry.” (Frey 284). He is talking about his past and he didn’t care about the impacts of his actions. The fact that he even apologizes shows how his morals have improved. Also, as previously quoted, James protects Lilly. He now cares about others and how they feel. He no longer only fixates on feeding his addiction, but on friends and family. Getting off of drugs and alcohol has helped James see life and his morals change for the better to accompany his new world view. It will be interesting to see the improvements in his morals by the end of the story.

Source
Frey, James. A Million Little Pieces. New York: Anchor, 2005.*A Million Little Pieces should be underlined, but BlogSpot won't let me

All My Sons 1

In All My Sons, by Arthur Miller, the characters are consider the decision whether to put family or society first. The book seems to be split up between those who believe family should come first and those who believe society should come first. What is interesting to me is that the older characters, like Joe and Kate, believe that family is the most important thing, while the younger people, like Chris, Larry, and Anne, stress the importance of society first. When Joe first admits to knowingly shipping out faulty engine cylinders, Chris is outraged. To try and explain himself Joe says, "Chris...Chris, I did it for you, it was a chance and I took it for you. I'm sixty-one years old, when would I have another chance to make something for you?" (Miller 70). Joe thinks that because he did it for his family, his actions are justified. He strongly believes that his family and leaving his son with a good future is worth the twenty one lives of the dead pilots. Kate's denial of Joe's guilt displays how she puts her family before society. She is in such strong denial that she gets to the point of shouting, "Because if he's not coming back, then I'll kill myself!" (Miller 22). She tries to deny her husband's connections with her son's disappearance so that she knows the decision to ship out the parts really did help the family, not resulting in the death of a son. She does not seem to deeply care about the twenty-one pilots killed by the cracked airplane parts, but only that her son was not killed with the parts. Even though Joe and Kate are greatly loved by their children and Anne, they share different ideals on the importance of family versus society. The children really believe that society should come first. After Joe admits to selling faulty parts and being responsible for the deaths of twenty-one pilots, Chris bursts out, "What the h*ll do you mean, you did it for me? Don't you have a country? Don't you live in the world?" (Miller 70). Through this exchange and quote, Chris shows how he puts country first. He directly asks, "Don't you have a country?" (Miller 70). He is trying to get across to his father that there is a whole world out there and that it should be thought of along with family. Chris does not seem to completely disregard family, but he definately believes that society should be thought of just as much as family. He himself talks about wanting to have kids and raise a family. Chris thinks that one of the best things his father could have left for him was a good country and world. By thinking of society, Joe would be thinking of his son and creating a better future for his son. The role of impacts to society and to family when making decisions is questioned in All My Sons with parents generally thinking of family while the children (young adults) think of society as a whole.

I am personally a mix between Chris and Joe when it comes to what impacts decisions. I think that family is very important, but one of the best ways to help out children of a family is to create a better world for them to live in. In order for them to have a good world, one must consider society as a whole when they make decisions. Making good decisions for society results in a good society. I think that family should take precedence when the decision does not effect people outside of the family. In Joe Keller's case, he caused the death of twenty-one people trying to help his family. If Joe's decision hadn't effected all of those people, he should have done what was best for his family. I also believe that it is best to put society before family when the choice effects many people. If Joe had chosen to help society, the pilots wouldn't have died. I think when deciding what decision to make one should consider who is impacted by the decision. If the party impacted is the family, then family should take precedence, but when people outside of the family are effected, then society should be thought of before family. In most decisions, a healthy mix of both results in the best decisions.

Source Cited
Miller, Arthur. All My Sons : A Drama in Three Acts. New York: Penguin Classics, 2000.

*all of the "All My Sons" should be underlined

A Million Little Pieces #2

As I get farther and farther into A Million Little Pieces, I develop mixed feelings for James Frey. I am annoyed that he does not seem to want to make his life better, and yet I really like the progress he is making and his personality when he is not threatened by others. This book looks so deep into the mind and heart of an addict and it really is making me think. So far in this book, James Frey has woken up on an airplane with no idea where he is. His parents take him to a treatment center in Minnesota in the hopes that he can get over his extreme addiction to drugs and alcohol. At first, James does not want to be there at all and has a really hard time adjusting. He visits a doctor and learns that if he continues using, he will die within a few days. James goes to a dentist to fix his teeth from when he fell down two stories while drunk and high. At the dentist, James has a cavity filled and a double root canal, all without any pain medication. It is a very disturbing scene to read about because James Frey does an excellent job of retelling his pain. Through it all, one is able to see James' view of rehab changing slowly but surely, and it is very reassuring to the reader who can only hope that James changes the way his life is going.

One thing that really stood out to me in this section is James' desire to look into his own eyes. It is commonly said that eyes are the windows to one's soul, and James wants to see his soul. He says, "I want to see my eyes. I want to look beneath the surface of the pale green and see what is inside of me, what's within me, what I'm hiding. I start to look up but I turn away. I try to force myself again," (Frey 32). Through this section, I felt James' suffering. I think he wants to see what is in him, but he is so afraid of the horror he will find he cannot force himself to look. I feel so sorry that someone has had such a hard and difficult life they are unable to look back at it. I really hope that James is able to make ammends with his previous life and can be proud of the person he is. Not only does James have a hard time loving himself, he has a hard time believing that anyone else loves him. After talking to his parents, James writes, "I hang up the phone and I stare at the floor and I think about my Mother and my Father in a Hotel Room in Chicago and I wonder why they still love me and why I can't love them back and how two mormal stable people could have created something like me..." (Frey 44). I felt so bad for James after I read this. To think that one does not deserve love shows how far a person has fallen. Through this quote the reader sees how much James hates himself if he thinks that he is not lovable, even to his own parents. Maybe his feelings that he doesn't deserve love leads play a part in his addiction. I think he hates himself so much that he doesn't care if he dies, he just wants to feel the high from the drugs and alcohol. I am so sorry that James hates himself. I think that one of the important parts of James' recovery will be him seeing himself as loveable which will give him a reason to keep living and stop using.

James Frey writes so passionately about his experience in rehab, that I cannot help but feel attatched to him. He writes about all of his inner fears and doubts, and I hope he can get over these things and recover. I cannot help but cheer him on in his fight against addiction.

Source
Frey, James. A Million Little Pieces. New York: Anchor, 2005.
*A Million Little Pieces should be underlined, but BlogSpot won't let me

A Million Little Pieces

James Frey's controversial "memoir" A Million Little Pieces (should be underlined but Blogspot won't let me) is his recount of his journey through rehab for his drug and alcohol addiction. So far, James has woken up aboard a plane with broken front teeth and blood covered clothes and he does not know how he got there. He is greeted at the gate by his mom and dad, who he does not have good relationships with. In the car, they have to stop at a gas station so that James can buy wine. His drinking continues throughout his trip to the clinic. At the clinic, James is given some pills to help diminish his urges to use. He recounts his use of drugs and alcohol and it is shocking. He uses a plethora of drugs and alcohol and is a hard core addict. He also gets into some scuffles with other patients and has a hard time adjusting to life at the rehab clinic.

This book is very shocking to me. I am the first to admit I live in a protected bubble, and I am made further aware of the bubble by reading A Million Little Pieces. Granted, this memoir is known to be extremely exaggerated so I have to read it knowing it is not 100% true. However, drug and alcohol addiction is a big problem for modern society, so learning anything I can about it is very important. Even reading just a few pages into the book, I realized how large an effect an addiction can make on a life. To wake up on a plane with no clue where you are going and why you have blood all over you shows that life has gotten pretty out of hand. I hope that reading this book reminds me and drives home the idea that drugs and alcohol are bad and that they can destroy everything I have going for me right now. I am also struck by James lack of relationship with his parents. I am personally very close to my parents and I think if I was battling something as extreme as an addiction, I would want them by me. Thinking about it, James probably didn't have a great relationship with his parents and that is probably one of the reasons he turned to drug and alcohol abuse. After just reading a few pages of A Million Little Pieces, I know it is going to be a very intense book that explores how to pull oneself up out of the gutter.

Are Polls Accurate in Presidential Race?

With the presidential election in less than a week, Barack Obama seems to have a lead over John McCain in the polls. However, these polls have been known to be false and inaccurate. For example, in 1948 all polls pointed to Thomas Dewey being elected but Harry Truman was the true victor. Polls are subject to change and are based off of the small percentage of Americans who were actually polled. Also, a large reason for polls not being 100% accurate is how many people actually show up to vote. A large amount of people may say they will vote for Candidate A when they are polled, but because none of these people actually show up to vote, Candidate B will end up winning. This especially pertains to the 2008 election. Most polls show Barack Obama ahead, but does this truely represent Americans as a whole or is this just the small amount of people who were actually polled talking? Will the people polled actually show up to vote? Many of these questions surround this week's election and we should not solely rely on polls for predictions on winners and loosers.

I found this article very interesting. As a John McCain supporter, I had almost given up hope with "Barack the Vote" sweeping the nation and influencing polls. Reading this article reminded me that we don't know what is going to happen until it actually happens. People may say they support a certain candidate, but when they are actually casting their vote, they can change their minds. This could be an advantage for either candidate. It is really easy to get caught up in the media, but when actually voting, a serious voter rethinks their decision and considers the actual issues. History has proven polls to be wrong, so I think both candidates should be nervous about the election. I don't think that Obama should assume he has won or that McCain should give up and stop campaigning just because of polls. With all elections, the position of President of the United States is not decided by polls, it is decided by the voters. Polls may lean one way, but it is the actual votes that count and decide our country's leader.

Source
Sullivan, Andy. "Are Polls Accurate in Presidential Race?" Comcast.net News. 30 Oct. 2008. 30 Oct. 2008 .

Chitty Chitty Bang Bang

For outside reading this week, I looked up some old film reviews and found one on Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, one of my childhood favorites. Craig Butler, the author of the review, claims the, "mixture fails to gel". He says the movie is sweet and the adult actors are good, but the children are over the top, the movie is too long, and is too frightening for children. He goes on to say the movie is not very inventive and the dialogue doesn't work. Butler appreciates the movie and enjoyed watching Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, but thinks the movie missed its chance at being a huge hit among families.
I disagree with Craig Butler's take on Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. As a child I fell in love with the songs, the dancing, the flying car, and how the movie incorporates a bit of fantasy into real life. Being a scardy cat when it comes to horror movies, I was surprised that Butler claims the movie is too scary when it never even gave me nightmares. Granted, I did always glance around to make sure an adult was near by when approaching the ice cream truck so I didn't get stolen away like all the little kids in the movie, but I actually enjoyed being a little scared. I was, and still am, mesmerized by the zany inventions and all of the crazy characters. I would give the movie five starts for the memorable characters, the fun props, a catchy plot, and wonderful songs!
www.starpulse.com/movies/chitty_chitty_bang_bang/reviews
Source
Butler, Craig. "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang Movie Review." Starpulse.com. 23 Oct. 2008 .
*Starpulse.com should be underlined but BlogSpot won't let me

The Call of Music

The Show

When I first listened to the song “The Show” by Lenka, I was struck by how much it relates to my life as a high school student. Sure the catchy tune and sweet voice were nice to listen too, but the lyrics really popped out at me.

The Show - Lenka
I'm just a little bit caught in the middleLife is a maze and love is a riddle
I don't know where to go, can't do it alone
I've tried, and I don't know why...
Slow it down, make it stop
Or else my heart is going to pop
'Cause it's too much, yeah it's a lot
To be something I’m not
I'm a fool out of love
'Cause I just can't get enough...

I'm just a little bit caught in the middle
Life is a maze and love is a riddle
I don't know where to go, can't do it alone
I've tried, and I don't know why

I'm just a little girl lost in the moment
I'm so scared but I don't show it
I can't figure it out, it's bringing me down
I know I’ve got to let it go...
And just enjoy the show

The sun is hot in the sky
Just like a giant spotlight
The people follow the signs
And synchronize in time
It's a joke, nobody knows
They've got a ticket to the show....
(I want my money back, just enjoy the show).

Lenka sings about being a girl thrown into a crazy world that she cannot comprehend so she puts on a happy face and goes with the flow even though she is scared. She says that life is confusing and she does not know what to do about love. After awhile, all of the chaos in the world catches up, and Lenka just wants time to stand still so that she has a chance to catch up. “The Show” is a song about life and how it can be crazy, fun, overwhelming, and wild at times, but we can all get through it.

I can really relate to this song. I feel like with school, sports, and other extracurriculars, life just gets going to fast and I need it to slow down. Or I will not know what is going on and end up just floating through life and “following the signs”. I really love how, at the end, Lenka sings that life is just a joke and a show. When I get overwhelmed or stressed out about something, I’ll take a step back and see how ridiculous the thing I am stressing out about is. Also, I agree that life is so much easier to get through when you have a friend by your side. A friend can help you find your way and keep you grounded when things get out of control. After first listening to this song as a free download from iTunes, I was amazed at how much this song relates to the chaotic lives of most students.

Source Cited
Lenka. "The Show." Lenka. John Alagia; Mike Elizondo; Pierre Marchand; Stuart Brawley; Jason Lader. 2008.

Question #1

Odysseus was considered a great hero back in ancient Greece, but I do not consider him a modern day hero. To me, a hero is someone who works hard to achieve a worthwile goal and achieves it humbly. Each person has their own definition of hero, but this is how I would define a modern day hero. Odysseus is not a hero because he does not remain focused on returning home. When he finds himself on Calypso's island, Ogygia, at first he is in no hurry to return home. He enjoys having a beautiful woman so enraptured by him. He completely looses sight of returning home to his wife and son. After about a year, he remembers his quest and leaves the island. This shows that Odysseus is not that passionate about returning home and reaching his goal. If he is willing to throw that goal away, or at least put it off to the side, just for a beautiful woman, I do not think he is very hero-like. After leaving Calypso, Odysseus later finds himself on another island with the beautiful witch-goddess Circe. She turns his crew into pigs, but when Odysseus is able to outsmart her and is not effected by her spell, she falls in love with him. Once again, Odysseus is willing to throw away his goal of getting home for a beautiful woman. At this point, Odysseus' return home seems like it will maybe occur on accident in fourty years. By my definition, a real hero would remember their goal and stop at nothing to achieve it. Odysseus' constant delaying of his trip home shows that he does not really care about his goal and living a virtuous life does not matter to him, and is therefore not a hero by my definition.

Along with his lack of focus, Odysseus does not live according to good morals on his return trip. Odysseus breaks his wedding vow that he will remain faithful to his wife, Penelope, when he has sexual relationships with both Calypso and Circe. A hero should not just be someone who accomplishes great things, but a person who accomplishes these things while maintaining their morals. Cheating on one's wife who waits at home, still faithful after fifteen years, is a very shallow thing to do. A hero should look out for all people, not just for himself and what he wants at that very moment. Odysseus does not think about his loving family and abandons his morals for two beautiful women. A hero should not brag about their accomplishments. After escaping from Polyphemus' cave, Odysseus yells back to the cyclops, "Cyclops - if any man on the face of the earth should ask you who blinded you, shamed you so - say Odysseus, raider of cities, he gouged out your eye, Laertes' son who makes his home in Ithaca!" (227). Odysseus is not content that he just beat one of the greatest giants, so he goes and rubs salt on the wound by bragging. A hero should be humble, and Odyssues is most definately not humble. He abandons this moral just so that he can rub it in that he blinded Polyphemus. Odysseus loses focus on his goal and abandons his morals so that he can have a few minutes of fun. His story is very exciting, but in the end, I do not consider Odysseus a hero.

Moderator’s Planned Book Becomes a Topic of Debate

It has recently come out that the moderator, Gwen Ifill, of the vice-presidential debate is writing a book in support of Obama. With the debate fast approaching, it is arguable whether she is really nonpartisan. As moderator, Ifill’s job is to ask the candidates questions and not use her power to turn the debate in favor of one candidate. Many McCain and Palin supporters disagree that the book will be bad for Sarah Palin at the debate. Many think that with all of the media attention Ifill has been getting for her book, she will be extremely careful to not use her position to help Joe Biden. Even with all of the controversy regarding the moderator, this article urges people to closely watch the candidates and their replies, not just the moderator.

Being a republican myself, I know that my opinion is biased on this article, but I am trying to look at it as a nonpartisan observer. I think that Gwen Ifill should not be allowed to moderate this debate. Whether she disregards the media attention and favors the Obama – Biden team or plays it safe and is cautious not to do anything “biased” toward Sarah Palin, the audience will not receive a nonpartisan debate. As much as Ifill claims that she will be nonpartisan, it is easier said than done. I think that the debate should be moderated by someone who truly is undecided on how to vote this November. This way we would hear about the issues that really matter, not just the ones that make a certain candidate sound good. I doubt that Ifill will moderate in a nonpartisan way, but I hope that she does so that Americans have the facts needed to cast their votes this fall.

Link to Article: http://www.nytimes.com/2008/10/02/us/politics/02debate.html?ref=politics

Work Cited
Rutenberg, Jim. "Moderator’s Planned Book Becomes a Topic of Debate." New York Times
2 Oct. 2008: 27.

*Blogspot will not allow me to underline New York Times, but it should be underlined.