A Million Little Pieces is James Frey's account of his six weeks in rehab for drug and alcohol addiction. At age 23, Frey has been an addict for over a decade. One day he wakes up to find himself on a plane headed to an unkown destination. His parents meet him at the airport and bring him to a treatment center in Minnesota. At first James does not want to get better, but with the help of friends and counselors he learns how special life is. He falls in love with Lilly, a crack addict and prostitute who is in rehab as well. James befriends an organized crime leader, judges, boxers, and everything in between. His friends would not all be friends outside of rehab, but being in the same situation brings them together. With a family program put on by the clinic James is able to reconcile with his parents and repair some of the damage from his past. James is tested and tempted, but through it all he is able to remain sober.
In this last section, James is released from rehab. The night before he leaves James can't sleep. He walks outside and thinks to himself, "I am scared. I am scared of leaving here. I am scared of losing the protection and security that exists within these boundaries. I am scared of going to Jail, I am scared of alcohol and drugs and I am scared of drinking alcohol and using drugs," (Frey 416). I think that being scared shows James is truly ready to live a sober life. It shows how James has realized how much better his life is without drugs and alcohol and is afraid of what will happen if he starts using again. James has gotten comfortable with being sober in a very controlled, safe environment, but being outside where there are drugs and alcohol is going to be very difficult. Hopefully this fear will help James resist the temptation of using and will keep him sober. After a long night, James says goodbye to his friends, counselors, and everyone who helped him out at the clinic. He even breaks the rules, once again, and says goodbye to Lilly and tells her he loves her. James is picked up by his brother and friend. When asked what he wants to do, James replies that he wants to go to a bar. His brother is disappointed, but knows that James will find a way to a bar and it would be best if he was there to watch over him. At the bar, James orders a huge glass of whiskey. He sits there with his nose in the drink, his body pleading for it. James looks up into the mirror behind the bar and looks into his eyes and is happy with what he sees. He realizes he has a simple decision, to drink or not. He calls to the barkeep and says, "Dump this sh*t down the f*cking drain. I don't want it," (Frey 429). James made up his mind not to drink, and was strong enough to turn down the addiction that was staring him right in the face. This is James' first time durning down a drink without something or someone there to stop him, he did it because he wanted to. He has come a long way from chugging gas station wine in the begining to turning down his favorite whiskey. Hopefully living sober will only get easier for James. At the very end James informs us of how all of the people in the story ended up. Unfortunately, not all of the stories have happy endings, but at least James has remained sober and has never relapsed. I congratulate him on his journey so far and with him luck with what is to come in his life.
Source
Frey, James. A Million Little Pieces. New York: Anchor, 2005. *A Million Little Pieces should be underlined, but BlogSpot won't let me
Monday, January 19, 2009
Sunday, January 11, 2009
A Million Little Pieces #5
James Frey writes his trip through drug and alcohol addiction treatment in his memoir A Million Little Pieces. Thus far in the story, James has woken up on a plane all beat up not knowing where he is. He is taken to a rehab facility in Minnesota and has a hard time accepting the program. He falls in love with Lilly, a former prostitute and a recovering crack addict. Along the way he chooses to go after her when she relapses and brings her back to the center. In the most recent section of the book, James prepares to leave the center. A few days before James is scheduled to leave, his best friend Leonard leaves. As a sort of going away present to his friends, Leonard caters in food and pays for the championship wrestling match to be shown on t.v. It allows the men to feel normal for a while and to relax. When Leonard leaves, he asks James to be a sort of son to him. James is honored, and accepts. After Leonard departs, James is on to the final step of his recovery that is to be completed at the rehab center. He writes a list of all his bad actions so that he can tell a priest and he can start his life fresh, with no regrets. While with the priest, James admits that he hates priests because while in Paris, he was sexually assulted by a priest and he beat the priest up so badly he might have died. After admitting everything, James feels renewed and ready to start his life over.
Throughout the book I have been struck by how well James describes the need the addicts have to fill themselves. This makes the addiction so much more real and powerful when it is an actual need, no longer a choice. While observing the men eat while watching the wrestling match James says, "The food is a drug, a drink, a chemical, a substance. No one cares that they are getting all they can handle, that they have more than they need. If they could, the men would eat the furniture, the bookshelves, the plates, the napkins, the banquet tables, the coffee machine," (Frey 378). Saying that the men would eat the furniture shows how great the need to fill is. If drugs and alcohol are not around, addicts still need to fill themselves. By carrying this immense need throughout the book, Frey does an excellent job of explaining that an addiction never goes away. Even in treatment, the men feel the need to fill. Though they get better at controling the need, it is always present.
Throughout the book I have been struck by how well James describes the need the addicts have to fill themselves. This makes the addiction so much more real and powerful when it is an actual need, no longer a choice. While observing the men eat while watching the wrestling match James says, "The food is a drug, a drink, a chemical, a substance. No one cares that they are getting all they can handle, that they have more than they need. If they could, the men would eat the furniture, the bookshelves, the plates, the napkins, the banquet tables, the coffee machine," (Frey 378). Saying that the men would eat the furniture shows how great the need to fill is. If drugs and alcohol are not around, addicts still need to fill themselves. By carrying this immense need throughout the book, Frey does an excellent job of explaining that an addiction never goes away. Even in treatment, the men feel the need to fill. Though they get better at controling the need, it is always present.
As Leonard turns to leave, he gives James one last piece of advice. He says, "Be strong. Live honorable and with dignity. When you don't think you can, hold on. I'm proud of you and you should be proud of yourself" (Frey 391). This is incredibly important for James to hear. He feels that there are others cheering him on and supporting him, which he has never experienced before. He is used to being a disappointment, and hearing that someone is proud of him is something new to James. Knowing that Leonard has faith in James gives James more faith in himself. Leonard does not scold James for his past, he simply advises James on how to live out the future. Such hope makes James feel like he can live sober. Without Leonard to support him, it will be hard for James, but hopefully the last piece of advice will help James through it.
So far in treatment, James has been tested. He has come into direct contact with drugs, but has refrained because he had to rescue Lilly. Once he is out of the center, I am curious how he will do when faced with his addictions. I am hoping things will turn out for the best, but without something more important present to stop him, I am not so sure. Granted, I know that he stays sober because it says so on the back of the book, but I am attempting to read the story as if I don't know the outcome. Even so, I wish James the best of luck.
Source
Frey, James. A Million Little Pieces. New York: Anchor, 2005. *A Million Little Pieces should be underlined, but BlogSpot won't let me
Sunday, January 4, 2009
A Million Little Pieces #4
A Million Pieces is James Frey's account of his time in rehab for his drug and alcohol addiction. At age twenty-three, James has been an adict for a decade. After waking up on a plane all beat up, James is taken to a treatment center. He originally wants to leave, but is convinced to stay by Leonard, a friend. James meets Lilly and, even though male-female relationships are off limits, the two fall in love. James' parents come to visit and they grow closer than ever once the whole story of James' addiction is out in the open. Even though James is sentenced to jail, his family gathers around him and supports him. In the latest section I read, James' parents have just left the center. Suddenly, Lilly calls James from her floor and informs him that she just found out her grandma has cancer and will die within six months. Lilly's grandma is the only one who believed in Lilly and treater her like a person, so the news devastates Lilly. James agrees to meet her in the woods, where they are caught together. James and Lilly are given a chance to continue at the center but are forbidden to see eachother. Upon hearing this, Lilly walks out. Taking a huge risk, James leaves to find her. James finds a crack dealer and learns that Lilly is in an abandon building where people go to smoke. He takes a huge risk and goes to get Lilly. He is so tempted to use the drugs so close to him in the building, but his love for Lilly is stronger. When he finds her, she is high. James takes her back with him to the clinic where she is put back in detoxification.
James' incredible actions keep me hooked on the story, but his true skill in writing comes from his ability to make the emotions and needs of people around him so evident. For example, the telephone is so much more than a phone. James describes communications as normal and, "In here, everything resembling normalcy is coveted. The phone is always busy because men want to be in contact with the normal outside world. Letters are eagerly awaited and opened because they are physical contact with it," (Frey 332). This really made me think about how much I take for granted. I can go out with friends. I can walk through my neighborhood. I can have pain killers when I have surgery (which James has to go without when he gets a double root canal). I think going without these things, like the men and women in rehab, would be very difficult because it is just my normal way of life. Through the examples of the phone and letters, I feel the desperate want something "normal".
When James is in the building to retrieve Lilly, he walks past many people smoking crack before he finds her. When he steps in one room to look for Lilly, "The smell of crack, like bittersweet peppermint gasoline, drifts through the room. The smell taunts me and it enrages me I would love to taste that smell, but I want Lilly more than the great and terrible rock," (Frey 353). To me, this part in the book is a confirmation to me that James is able to get better. The reader sees that drugs do not rule James' life like they used to. His priorities have been arranged, and love comes before addiction. It also shows how strong James' love for Lilly is. If he is willing to pass up crack, his drug of choice, for her, he must really love her. This just really makes me feel like James can get better. He was tested, and did not choose the drugs. Even though this is a huge step for James, I wonder how he will do when Lilly or another priority isn't there to stop him from drinking or doing drugs. I hope he is strong enough, but recovery is a long, difficult journey.
James has really improved from someone who only cared about his next high, to a man who would risk everything for the woman he loves. James Frey continues to draw me into the story with a totally different view of addiction. I can only see it as an outsider from a more scientific point of view, but James writes about the emotions and struggles that come with rehab. I am very interested to see how the James does with his recovery.
Source
Frey, James. A Million Little Pieces. New York: Anchor, 2005.*A Million Little Pieces should be underlined, but BlogSpot won't let me
James' incredible actions keep me hooked on the story, but his true skill in writing comes from his ability to make the emotions and needs of people around him so evident. For example, the telephone is so much more than a phone. James describes communications as normal and, "In here, everything resembling normalcy is coveted. The phone is always busy because men want to be in contact with the normal outside world. Letters are eagerly awaited and opened because they are physical contact with it," (Frey 332). This really made me think about how much I take for granted. I can go out with friends. I can walk through my neighborhood. I can have pain killers when I have surgery (which James has to go without when he gets a double root canal). I think going without these things, like the men and women in rehab, would be very difficult because it is just my normal way of life. Through the examples of the phone and letters, I feel the desperate want something "normal".
When James is in the building to retrieve Lilly, he walks past many people smoking crack before he finds her. When he steps in one room to look for Lilly, "The smell of crack, like bittersweet peppermint gasoline, drifts through the room. The smell taunts me and it enrages me I would love to taste that smell, but I want Lilly more than the great and terrible rock," (Frey 353). To me, this part in the book is a confirmation to me that James is able to get better. The reader sees that drugs do not rule James' life like they used to. His priorities have been arranged, and love comes before addiction. It also shows how strong James' love for Lilly is. If he is willing to pass up crack, his drug of choice, for her, he must really love her. This just really makes me feel like James can get better. He was tested, and did not choose the drugs. Even though this is a huge step for James, I wonder how he will do when Lilly or another priority isn't there to stop him from drinking or doing drugs. I hope he is strong enough, but recovery is a long, difficult journey.
James has really improved from someone who only cared about his next high, to a man who would risk everything for the woman he loves. James Frey continues to draw me into the story with a totally different view of addiction. I can only see it as an outsider from a more scientific point of view, but James writes about the emotions and struggles that come with rehab. I am very interested to see how the James does with his recovery.
Source
Frey, James. A Million Little Pieces. New York: Anchor, 2005.*A Million Little Pieces should be underlined, but BlogSpot won't let me
Thursday, December 11, 2008
On The Waterfront
In On The Waterfront, the characters struggle with the difference between a traitor and a whistle blower. Many want to inform the police of the mob’s activities, but are afraid to be considered a traitor because they might get hurt. Only a few people are strong enough to risk going against the mob. Joey, Doogan, and Terry are a few insiders willing to stand up and tell the truth about the mob. In the beginning, they seem to believe that telling the police anything would label them as a traitor and could result in their deaths, which does happen to Joey and Doogan. By the mob setting the definition of traitor as anyone who spills information on them and punishing traitors with death, the workers do not want to inform the police of the criminal activity that is occurring on the waterfront. As the movie goes on, people like Doogan and Terry learn that the only way to fix the injustice that is occurring is to inform the police and stand up to the mob. Even though it is difficult, these men learn that because they are working for the greater good they are whistle blowers, not traitors. Even though Doogan is killed, Terry is not deterred. He realizes that being a whistle blower is a good thing when it will help him and all of his friends. In the begining, the workers are afraid for their lives and are not willing to be considered "traitors" by the mob's definition. As the movie goes on, a few men such as Doogan and Terry learn that they are not traitors, they are whistle blowers, which is a good thing because they are helping make better lives for all of the workers.
I think that there is a fine line between being a "tattle-tale" and speaking up about improper behavior. However, I basically believe that being a "tattle-tale" is when you purposely point out when someone is doing something wrong just to get that person in trouble. Generally, this occurs when the person's actions are not affecting anyone else but the tattle-tale just wants to get them in trouble. A person who speaks up about improper behavior is someone who looks out for the good of all people involved. They do what they do to keep people safe and make the world a better place, not just to see someone get in trouble. Basically, they are working for the "greater good". I think that whether one is perceived as a tattle-tale or whistle blower depends on the person doing the labeling. People have different opinions and look at motives in different ways. I could speak up against something I think is wrong but I could be seen as being a tattle-tale if the action isn't very extreme. There is no definite line between being a tattle-tale and whistle blower, in my opinion. I think it changes depending on situations and the people involved.
I think that there is a fine line between being a "tattle-tale" and speaking up about improper behavior. However, I basically believe that being a "tattle-tale" is when you purposely point out when someone is doing something wrong just to get that person in trouble. Generally, this occurs when the person's actions are not affecting anyone else but the tattle-tale just wants to get them in trouble. A person who speaks up about improper behavior is someone who looks out for the good of all people involved. They do what they do to keep people safe and make the world a better place, not just to see someone get in trouble. Basically, they are working for the "greater good". I think that whether one is perceived as a tattle-tale or whistle blower depends on the person doing the labeling. People have different opinions and look at motives in different ways. I could speak up against something I think is wrong but I could be seen as being a tattle-tale if the action isn't very extreme. There is no definite line between being a tattle-tale and whistle blower, in my opinion. I think it changes depending on situations and the people involved.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
A Million Little Pieces #3
Thus far in A Million Little Pieces, James Frey has woken up on an airplane all beat up. He is a drug addict and alcoholic, and has been since elementary school. He is taken to a treatment center in Minnesota and has been forced to endure a double root canal without any pain medication. He is finding rehab to be very difficult and wants to leave. He stays, however, for his friend Leonard and more-than-a-friend Lilly. Even though male-female relationships are off limits, James realizes that love is worth the risk and continues with his relationship. Also, James has been enrolled in the family program. He has never had a good relationship with his parents, and is furious that they would come. When his parents come, James originally has a hard time but as they go through the program, the family grows closer together. A bump in the road for the family is learning that James has to go to jail. It is difficult, but manages to bring them together and realize how much they need each other. James does experience some tension with the staff by outwardly rejecting the 12 Steps. He sees it as replacing one addiction with another, and does not want to be addicted any longer. The counselors doubt him, but James continues with his journey.
One thing that really struck me about this part of the story is how the tragedy of James having to go to jail brings the family together. I would have thought it would tear them farther apart, but it does the opposite. James describes it saying, “We hold each other. We are a Family. Though I have been their child for twenty-three years, we have never been a Family. We are now” (Frey 285). I think at this point the family realizes they need each other to get through such a hard time. Hopefully the support of his family will help James through his treatment.
Another quote that stuck out to me is said by James after another man in treatment tells him about how his girlfriend, Lilly, was sexually mistreated. He says, “Did it make you feel like you were different from her, even though you know you’re not, or did it make you feel good, even though deep inside you feel like a piece of sh*t?” (Frey 322). I was shocked at how real this is. It is human nature to want to put others down so you can feel better than yourself. I am also happy that James stood up for his girlfriend while not denying her past. It shows how he is getting his life back together.
In the beginning of the book, James had awful ethics. He only cared about getting his next fix; not who he would hurt or abuse in achieving his high. He himself says to his parents, “I f*cked up your life, all of our lives, and I’m truly truly sorry.” (Frey 284). He is talking about his past and he didn’t care about the impacts of his actions. The fact that he even apologizes shows how his morals have improved. Also, as previously quoted, James protects Lilly. He now cares about others and how they feel. He no longer only fixates on feeding his addiction, but on friends and family. Getting off of drugs and alcohol has helped James see life and his morals change for the better to accompany his new world view. It will be interesting to see the improvements in his morals by the end of the story.
Source
Frey, James. A Million Little Pieces. New York: Anchor, 2005.*A Million Little Pieces should be underlined, but BlogSpot won't let me
One thing that really struck me about this part of the story is how the tragedy of James having to go to jail brings the family together. I would have thought it would tear them farther apart, but it does the opposite. James describes it saying, “We hold each other. We are a Family. Though I have been their child for twenty-three years, we have never been a Family. We are now” (Frey 285). I think at this point the family realizes they need each other to get through such a hard time. Hopefully the support of his family will help James through his treatment.
Another quote that stuck out to me is said by James after another man in treatment tells him about how his girlfriend, Lilly, was sexually mistreated. He says, “Did it make you feel like you were different from her, even though you know you’re not, or did it make you feel good, even though deep inside you feel like a piece of sh*t?” (Frey 322). I was shocked at how real this is. It is human nature to want to put others down so you can feel better than yourself. I am also happy that James stood up for his girlfriend while not denying her past. It shows how he is getting his life back together.
In the beginning of the book, James had awful ethics. He only cared about getting his next fix; not who he would hurt or abuse in achieving his high. He himself says to his parents, “I f*cked up your life, all of our lives, and I’m truly truly sorry.” (Frey 284). He is talking about his past and he didn’t care about the impacts of his actions. The fact that he even apologizes shows how his morals have improved. Also, as previously quoted, James protects Lilly. He now cares about others and how they feel. He no longer only fixates on feeding his addiction, but on friends and family. Getting off of drugs and alcohol has helped James see life and his morals change for the better to accompany his new world view. It will be interesting to see the improvements in his morals by the end of the story.
Source
Frey, James. A Million Little Pieces. New York: Anchor, 2005.*A Million Little Pieces should be underlined, but BlogSpot won't let me
Thursday, December 4, 2008
All My Sons 1
In All My Sons, by Arthur Miller, the characters are consider the decision whether to put family or society first. The book seems to be split up between those who believe family should come first and those who believe society should come first. What is interesting to me is that the older characters, like Joe and Kate, believe that family is the most important thing, while the younger people, like Chris, Larry, and Anne, stress the importance of society first. When Joe first admits to knowingly shipping out faulty engine cylinders, Chris is outraged. To try and explain himself Joe says, "Chris...Chris, I did it for you, it was a chance and I took it for you. I'm sixty-one years old, when would I have another chance to make something for you?" (Miller 70). Joe thinks that because he did it for his family, his actions are justified. He strongly believes that his family and leaving his son with a good future is worth the twenty one lives of the dead pilots. Kate's denial of Joe's guilt displays how she puts her family before society. She is in such strong denial that she gets to the point of shouting, "Because if he's not coming back, then I'll kill myself!" (Miller 22). She tries to deny her husband's connections with her son's disappearance so that she knows the decision to ship out the parts really did help the family, not resulting in the death of a son. She does not seem to deeply care about the twenty-one pilots killed by the cracked airplane parts, but only that her son was not killed with the parts. Even though Joe and Kate are greatly loved by their children and Anne, they share different ideals on the importance of family versus society. The children really believe that society should come first. After Joe admits to selling faulty parts and being responsible for the deaths of twenty-one pilots, Chris bursts out, "What the h*ll do you mean, you did it for me? Don't you have a country? Don't you live in the world?" (Miller 70). Through this exchange and quote, Chris shows how he puts country first. He directly asks, "Don't you have a country?" (Miller 70). He is trying to get across to his father that there is a whole world out there and that it should be thought of along with family. Chris does not seem to completely disregard family, but he definately believes that society should be thought of just as much as family. He himself talks about wanting to have kids and raise a family. Chris thinks that one of the best things his father could have left for him was a good country and world. By thinking of society, Joe would be thinking of his son and creating a better future for his son. The role of impacts to society and to family when making decisions is questioned in All My Sons with parents generally thinking of family while the children (young adults) think of society as a whole.
I am personally a mix between Chris and Joe when it comes to what impacts decisions. I think that family is very important, but one of the best ways to help out children of a family is to create a better world for them to live in. In order for them to have a good world, one must consider society as a whole when they make decisions. Making good decisions for society results in a good society. I think that family should take precedence when the decision does not effect people outside of the family. In Joe Keller's case, he caused the death of twenty-one people trying to help his family. If Joe's decision hadn't effected all of those people, he should have done what was best for his family. I also believe that it is best to put society before family when the choice effects many people. If Joe had chosen to help society, the pilots wouldn't have died. I think when deciding what decision to make one should consider who is impacted by the decision. If the party impacted is the family, then family should take precedence, but when people outside of the family are effected, then society should be thought of before family. In most decisions, a healthy mix of both results in the best decisions.
Source Cited
Miller, Arthur. All My Sons : A Drama in Three Acts. New York: Penguin Classics, 2000.
*all of the "All My Sons" should be underlined
I am personally a mix between Chris and Joe when it comes to what impacts decisions. I think that family is very important, but one of the best ways to help out children of a family is to create a better world for them to live in. In order for them to have a good world, one must consider society as a whole when they make decisions. Making good decisions for society results in a good society. I think that family should take precedence when the decision does not effect people outside of the family. In Joe Keller's case, he caused the death of twenty-one people trying to help his family. If Joe's decision hadn't effected all of those people, he should have done what was best for his family. I also believe that it is best to put society before family when the choice effects many people. If Joe had chosen to help society, the pilots wouldn't have died. I think when deciding what decision to make one should consider who is impacted by the decision. If the party impacted is the family, then family should take precedence, but when people outside of the family are effected, then society should be thought of before family. In most decisions, a healthy mix of both results in the best decisions.
Source Cited
Miller, Arthur. All My Sons : A Drama in Three Acts. New York: Penguin Classics, 2000.
*all of the "All My Sons" should be underlined
Sunday, November 23, 2008
A Million Little Pieces #2
As I get farther and farther into A Million Little Pieces, I develop mixed feelings for James Frey. I am annoyed that he does not seem to want to make his life better, and yet I really like the progress he is making and his personality when he is not threatened by others. This book looks so deep into the mind and heart of an addict and it really is making me think. So far in this book, James Frey has woken up on an airplane with no idea where he is. His parents take him to a treatment center in Minnesota in the hopes that he can get over his extreme addiction to drugs and alcohol. At first, James does not want to be there at all and has a really hard time adjusting. He visits a doctor and learns that if he continues using, he will die within a few days. James goes to a dentist to fix his teeth from when he fell down two stories while drunk and high. At the dentist, James has a cavity filled and a double root canal, all without any pain medication. It is a very disturbing scene to read about because James Frey does an excellent job of retelling his pain. Through it all, one is able to see James' view of rehab changing slowly but surely, and it is very reassuring to the reader who can only hope that James changes the way his life is going.
One thing that really stood out to me in this section is James' desire to look into his own eyes. It is commonly said that eyes are the windows to one's soul, and James wants to see his soul. He says, "I want to see my eyes. I want to look beneath the surface of the pale green and see what is inside of me, what's within me, what I'm hiding. I start to look up but I turn away. I try to force myself again," (Frey 32). Through this section, I felt James' suffering. I think he wants to see what is in him, but he is so afraid of the horror he will find he cannot force himself to look. I feel so sorry that someone has had such a hard and difficult life they are unable to look back at it. I really hope that James is able to make ammends with his previous life and can be proud of the person he is. Not only does James have a hard time loving himself, he has a hard time believing that anyone else loves him. After talking to his parents, James writes, "I hang up the phone and I stare at the floor and I think about my Mother and my Father in a Hotel Room in Chicago and I wonder why they still love me and why I can't love them back and how two mormal stable people could have created something like me..." (Frey 44). I felt so bad for James after I read this. To think that one does not deserve love shows how far a person has fallen. Through this quote the reader sees how much James hates himself if he thinks that he is not lovable, even to his own parents. Maybe his feelings that he doesn't deserve love leads play a part in his addiction. I think he hates himself so much that he doesn't care if he dies, he just wants to feel the high from the drugs and alcohol. I am so sorry that James hates himself. I think that one of the important parts of James' recovery will be him seeing himself as loveable which will give him a reason to keep living and stop using.
James Frey writes so passionately about his experience in rehab, that I cannot help but feel attatched to him. He writes about all of his inner fears and doubts, and I hope he can get over these things and recover. I cannot help but cheer him on in his fight against addiction.
Source
Frey, James. A Million Little Pieces. New York: Anchor, 2005.
*A Million Little Pieces should be underlined, but BlogSpot won't let me
One thing that really stood out to me in this section is James' desire to look into his own eyes. It is commonly said that eyes are the windows to one's soul, and James wants to see his soul. He says, "I want to see my eyes. I want to look beneath the surface of the pale green and see what is inside of me, what's within me, what I'm hiding. I start to look up but I turn away. I try to force myself again," (Frey 32). Through this section, I felt James' suffering. I think he wants to see what is in him, but he is so afraid of the horror he will find he cannot force himself to look. I feel so sorry that someone has had such a hard and difficult life they are unable to look back at it. I really hope that James is able to make ammends with his previous life and can be proud of the person he is. Not only does James have a hard time loving himself, he has a hard time believing that anyone else loves him. After talking to his parents, James writes, "I hang up the phone and I stare at the floor and I think about my Mother and my Father in a Hotel Room in Chicago and I wonder why they still love me and why I can't love them back and how two mormal stable people could have created something like me..." (Frey 44). I felt so bad for James after I read this. To think that one does not deserve love shows how far a person has fallen. Through this quote the reader sees how much James hates himself if he thinks that he is not lovable, even to his own parents. Maybe his feelings that he doesn't deserve love leads play a part in his addiction. I think he hates himself so much that he doesn't care if he dies, he just wants to feel the high from the drugs and alcohol. I am so sorry that James hates himself. I think that one of the important parts of James' recovery will be him seeing himself as loveable which will give him a reason to keep living and stop using.
James Frey writes so passionately about his experience in rehab, that I cannot help but feel attatched to him. He writes about all of his inner fears and doubts, and I hope he can get over these things and recover. I cannot help but cheer him on in his fight against addiction.
Source
Frey, James. A Million Little Pieces. New York: Anchor, 2005.
*A Million Little Pieces should be underlined, but BlogSpot won't let me
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