A Million Little Pieces #2

As I get farther and farther into A Million Little Pieces, I develop mixed feelings for James Frey. I am annoyed that he does not seem to want to make his life better, and yet I really like the progress he is making and his personality when he is not threatened by others. This book looks so deep into the mind and heart of an addict and it really is making me think. So far in this book, James Frey has woken up on an airplane with no idea where he is. His parents take him to a treatment center in Minnesota in the hopes that he can get over his extreme addiction to drugs and alcohol. At first, James does not want to be there at all and has a really hard time adjusting. He visits a doctor and learns that if he continues using, he will die within a few days. James goes to a dentist to fix his teeth from when he fell down two stories while drunk and high. At the dentist, James has a cavity filled and a double root canal, all without any pain medication. It is a very disturbing scene to read about because James Frey does an excellent job of retelling his pain. Through it all, one is able to see James' view of rehab changing slowly but surely, and it is very reassuring to the reader who can only hope that James changes the way his life is going.

One thing that really stood out to me in this section is James' desire to look into his own eyes. It is commonly said that eyes are the windows to one's soul, and James wants to see his soul. He says, "I want to see my eyes. I want to look beneath the surface of the pale green and see what is inside of me, what's within me, what I'm hiding. I start to look up but I turn away. I try to force myself again," (Frey 32). Through this section, I felt James' suffering. I think he wants to see what is in him, but he is so afraid of the horror he will find he cannot force himself to look. I feel so sorry that someone has had such a hard and difficult life they are unable to look back at it. I really hope that James is able to make ammends with his previous life and can be proud of the person he is. Not only does James have a hard time loving himself, he has a hard time believing that anyone else loves him. After talking to his parents, James writes, "I hang up the phone and I stare at the floor and I think about my Mother and my Father in a Hotel Room in Chicago and I wonder why they still love me and why I can't love them back and how two mormal stable people could have created something like me..." (Frey 44). I felt so bad for James after I read this. To think that one does not deserve love shows how far a person has fallen. Through this quote the reader sees how much James hates himself if he thinks that he is not lovable, even to his own parents. Maybe his feelings that he doesn't deserve love leads play a part in his addiction. I think he hates himself so much that he doesn't care if he dies, he just wants to feel the high from the drugs and alcohol. I am so sorry that James hates himself. I think that one of the important parts of James' recovery will be him seeing himself as loveable which will give him a reason to keep living and stop using.

James Frey writes so passionately about his experience in rehab, that I cannot help but feel attatched to him. He writes about all of his inner fears and doubts, and I hope he can get over these things and recover. I cannot help but cheer him on in his fight against addiction.

Source
Frey, James. A Million Little Pieces. New York: Anchor, 2005.
*A Million Little Pieces should be underlined, but BlogSpot won't let me

A Million Little Pieces

James Frey's controversial "memoir" A Million Little Pieces (should be underlined but Blogspot won't let me) is his recount of his journey through rehab for his drug and alcohol addiction. So far, James has woken up aboard a plane with broken front teeth and blood covered clothes and he does not know how he got there. He is greeted at the gate by his mom and dad, who he does not have good relationships with. In the car, they have to stop at a gas station so that James can buy wine. His drinking continues throughout his trip to the clinic. At the clinic, James is given some pills to help diminish his urges to use. He recounts his use of drugs and alcohol and it is shocking. He uses a plethora of drugs and alcohol and is a hard core addict. He also gets into some scuffles with other patients and has a hard time adjusting to life at the rehab clinic.

This book is very shocking to me. I am the first to admit I live in a protected bubble, and I am made further aware of the bubble by reading A Million Little Pieces. Granted, this memoir is known to be extremely exaggerated so I have to read it knowing it is not 100% true. However, drug and alcohol addiction is a big problem for modern society, so learning anything I can about it is very important. Even reading just a few pages into the book, I realized how large an effect an addiction can make on a life. To wake up on a plane with no clue where you are going and why you have blood all over you shows that life has gotten pretty out of hand. I hope that reading this book reminds me and drives home the idea that drugs and alcohol are bad and that they can destroy everything I have going for me right now. I am also struck by James lack of relationship with his parents. I am personally very close to my parents and I think if I was battling something as extreme as an addiction, I would want them by me. Thinking about it, James probably didn't have a great relationship with his parents and that is probably one of the reasons he turned to drug and alcohol abuse. After just reading a few pages of A Million Little Pieces, I know it is going to be a very intense book that explores how to pull oneself up out of the gutter.