In Shannon Burke's novel Black Flies the life of a medic in Harlem during the 1990s is revealed. Ollie Cross is a young medic, fresh out of college, who can't quite make it into medical school so he becomes a medic to get some experience. He discovers that being a medic is a difficult job, both physically and mentally. He works on the most damaged victims and struggles to understand the mindset of the world he entered. In this section, Ollie sees one of his fellow medics sort of lose it. This medic, Verdis, takes up ventriloquism and uses a pupet to talk to patients. Ollie starts to realize just how much the job can mess with one's head. He later works the Harlem Street Festival where the crowd continually surges due to fights, gunshots, and general unrest. At one point, teenagers begin to shoot guns into the crowd and the crowd stampedes. There are lost children, people burned by oil from the food carts being tipped over, asthmatics having attacks, multiple broken bones, and even mothers giving birth all at the same time. However, instead of being overwhelmed Ollie is thrilled. He feels the excitement of the pressure and his desire to help people. He realizes how he truly comes alive in the face of a crisis. Ollie witnesses LaFontaine, another medic, soaking a man's bandage in hydrogen peroxide and putting it on his head so that his hair became a brilliant orange as a practical joke. He is also warned about his partner, Rutkovsky, and how he is getting old and might not be able to keep up with the pressure. Ollie continually defends his partner and says Rutkovsky is the best medic he has ever seen. One day, Rutkovsky and Ollie go to the beach just for fun. They learn more about each other, and, for the first time since his girlfriend broke up with him, Ollie feels like he has a friend. Rutkovsky repeatedly tells Ollie to get out of the medic lifestyle. He also shows Ollie his Silver Star Medal from the war and Ollie realizes how special his friend is.
While working as a medic, Ollie sees some pretty weird things. One hot summer day, a woman is walking naked down Broadway, obviously out of her right mind. The medics bring her to a physc unit and she enters, "and sat in front of the intern: naked, tangled hair crawling with lice, rolls of grime-covered fat on her belly, black toenails, sweat running in clean rivulets down her filthy skin" (Burke 94). This is just disgusting to think about and, if this is what Ollie experiences every day, I understand why medics could get a little bit messed up. This is not normal society. If a person is continually around people with mental problems, they lose sight of normal. I think this helps contribute to the medics having weird habbits, such as speaking to patients through puppets.
Ollie and the medics often receive many fake calls. Ollie explains that, "By law, EMS was required to respond to all calls equally, so every night Rolly got loaded on vodka then called the ambulance and got a free taxi ride to a free place to stay with a free dinner and breakfast. He had over 320 ER visits that year" (Burke 98). This just shows how our health care system in the United States is often abused. While it is good that all calls are responded to equally when there are actually emergency calls, these fake calls can take away from time that medics spend treating people that actually need help. Ollie sees how he is often just used. The medics see this and it affects how they treat patients that actually need help. They can never be quite sure that every problem is real. They might then not treat every patient fully because they might think the person is faking. In a place as violence ridden as Harlem, the medics are always busy and they shouldn't have to waste time on fake calls.
So far Ollie is staying slipping in his morals. While he no longer speaks up when another medic might be abusing his patient, Ollie does not abuse his own. However, to me, being a bistander to injustice is participating in injustice. I was hoping Ollie would be able to change the medics and how they treat their patients. So far he hasn't done anything, but there is still time.
Source
Burke, Shannon. Black Flies. New York: Soft Skull P, 2008.*Black Flies should be underlined
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Black Flies #3
Shannon Burke's novel Black Flies tells the story of Ollie Cross, a paramedic in Harlem during the 1990s. Ollie did not get into medical school so he is taking the opportunity to practice medicine while being a medic. He learns that medics are not always the "good guys" and often abuse their patients. However, he slowly finds himself blending in the with others and condoning the abusive behavior. The days are jam packed for a medic in the inner city. In this section, Ollie and his partner, Rutkovsky, experience a suicidal man whom Ollie stupidly bursts in on. A cop that often works with the Harlem medics, Pastori, "thinks" that a teenage boy is disrespecting him and forces the boy's boss to beat the boy up for Pastori's entertainment. Another medic, Hatsuru, encourages Ollie to block out everything about being a medic except for the medical aspects so that he does not become like the other medics. Ollie's morals are challenged when he is called to treat an elderly woman with fluid in her lungs. When Rutkovsky leans the woman backwards so that the fluid begins to drown her Ollie is forced to question it is best to let the woman escape her horrible life in the nursing home or save her life. However, the nurse comes in and Rutkovsky is forced to return the woman to her upright position so that she is no longer drowning. Back at the station the medics discuss whether a good medic is capable of not caring for their patients, but the issue is not resolved. Ollie knows he is becoming a good medic when he is able to keep up with Rutkovsky when they treat a patient with heart failure. Sadly, Ollie and his girlfriend, Cara's, relationship suffers because he is becoming more like the other medics with an "I don't care" attitude. On top of this, Ollie's family comes to visit and they are shocked that he works in an environment so different from the proper one he was brought up in. Back at work, Ollie and the rest of the medics and police men are faced with a problem when Mitch Green, a former boxer, is high and disturbing the peace. Another medic, Verdis, is kind to Green and is able to distract him while the other medics and police men pin him down. Even though Ollie is part of this "victory", Clara breaks up with him and he realizes that he cannot keep up both his medic self and his med student self.
A big shock comes to Ollie when LaFontaine, another medic, tells him, "Try to be the good guy. Try to be the hero. But not here. These people are animals. Give em a chance and they'll tear your head off" (Burke 56). Ollie is being fed the idea that his patients are not people, but animals and he is eating it up. This is one of the reasons he is starting to not care about his patients as much. He does not think that these people deserve the best help he can give them. This shows how he is becoming more and more like the other medics. I was hoping that Ollie would be different, but he sadly seems to be buying in to the medic way of life. It makes sense that Harlem was so crime ridden and poor during the 1990s. If the people were being treated like animals they would not want to make things better. If they were continually told they were animals, they would gradually begin to believe that. Hopefully Ollie will realize that this belief is wrong and will help everyone the best that he can.
When Ollie and Rutkovsky are called to help the elderly woman Rutkovsky opts to let the woman drown. Ollie says, " I guess I thought I wouldn't have drowned her myself, but she was a hundred and one years old. What did it matter if she died or not?" (Burke 66). Ollie is starting to question whether it is better to let someone die and escape from the horrible world around them or to save their life and let them continue living in the world. In some situations it might seem kinder to let the person die rather than live in a neighborhood so full of crime and poverty where they had no hope. On the other hand, if the person lived they could potentially make a difference. This is a touchy issue that has no definate solution. I think that Ollie will fall in with the other medics and use the excuse that the patient is "in a better place" to justify his lack of treatment.
Ollie is being forced to decide whether he wants to believe that his patients are good people who deserve to live, or if it is better to just let them die. So far he has wavered in his opinion, but I think he will soon be forced to chose a side. I am hoping that he sees the good in people and treats them to the best of his ability.
Source
Burke, Shannon. Black Flies. New York: Soft Skull P, 2008.
*Black Flies should be underlined
A big shock comes to Ollie when LaFontaine, another medic, tells him, "Try to be the good guy. Try to be the hero. But not here. These people are animals. Give em a chance and they'll tear your head off" (Burke 56). Ollie is being fed the idea that his patients are not people, but animals and he is eating it up. This is one of the reasons he is starting to not care about his patients as much. He does not think that these people deserve the best help he can give them. This shows how he is becoming more and more like the other medics. I was hoping that Ollie would be different, but he sadly seems to be buying in to the medic way of life. It makes sense that Harlem was so crime ridden and poor during the 1990s. If the people were being treated like animals they would not want to make things better. If they were continually told they were animals, they would gradually begin to believe that. Hopefully Ollie will realize that this belief is wrong and will help everyone the best that he can.
When Ollie and Rutkovsky are called to help the elderly woman Rutkovsky opts to let the woman drown. Ollie says, " I guess I thought I wouldn't have drowned her myself, but she was a hundred and one years old. What did it matter if she died or not?" (Burke 66). Ollie is starting to question whether it is better to let someone die and escape from the horrible world around them or to save their life and let them continue living in the world. In some situations it might seem kinder to let the person die rather than live in a neighborhood so full of crime and poverty where they had no hope. On the other hand, if the person lived they could potentially make a difference. This is a touchy issue that has no definate solution. I think that Ollie will fall in with the other medics and use the excuse that the patient is "in a better place" to justify his lack of treatment.
Ollie is being forced to decide whether he wants to believe that his patients are good people who deserve to live, or if it is better to just let them die. So far he has wavered in his opinion, but I think he will soon be forced to chose a side. I am hoping that he sees the good in people and treats them to the best of his ability.
Source
Burke, Shannon. Black Flies. New York: Soft Skull P, 2008.
*Black Flies should be underlined
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Black Flies #2
In Shannon Burke's novel Black Flies Ollie Cross is a medic in Harlem during the 1990s. Fresh out of college, Ollie did not get into med school so he decides to get some experience and becomes a medic. He experiences the many gruesome scenes that come with being a medic in one of the most violent, poverty ridden cities. He sees the dead bodies of teenagers who have committed suicide, helps to save an old asthmatic, rushes gun shot victims to hospitals, and learns how the some of the other medics abuse their patients just becuase they can. So far Ollie is just starting to become "one of the guys" and is begining to fit in with the other medics. In this reading Ollie is present when a diabetic dies and goes into an apartment only to find a rotting body. As disturbing as these occurences may be, he is eager to learn and help and pays close attention to everything going on around him. He is also called to speak to the chief and is warned to look out for his partner Rutkovsky who, though an exceptional medic, might be starting to burn out. He learns to watch out for LaFontaine, another medic who pretends not to care about anything and abuses many of his patients just because he can. Ollie continues to learn and adapts to the life of a medic.
One day Ollie and LaFontaine are talking and LaFontaine asks Ollie to guess what day he is on. Not understanding, Ollie asks what he is talking about. LaFontaine replies, "Seventeen days without anyone thanking me. I keep track," (Burke 35). Ollie has grown up in a stable family and is used to people being polite and grateful for help. He does not quite no how to respond to the comment and just sits there. Even though Ollie is adapting to the difficult life of a medic in Harlem, I think he still believes people are good and have just gone through hard times. He is starting to realize that not all people are naturally good and polite and just need a little help to break free from their current surroundings. I am shocked that people do not thank the medics that just saved their lives. A life is very valuable, and if someone saves it for you, that is a big deal. Thinking about this, maybe the patients don't say thank you because they do not feel as if their lives were valuable. They live in one of the worst, most poverty stricken, crime ridden cities in the United States and might not feel as if life is totally worth living. This is something I can continue to look for.
Ollie later mentions some things he has seen but the reader has not been given a full account of. The medics are sitting around talking and they talk about how messed up the city is. They mention things they see on a daily basis, like, "...a teenager giving birth in a hallway, a guy lighting himself on fire and jumping out a window, dozens of rotting bodies in various stages of decay," (Burke 49). Sadly, this is becoming Ollie's life. He is surrounded by so much destruction and despair. It has caused some of the other medics to abandon their morals, and this could very easily happen to Ollie. I am still shocked at how difficult like as a medic is. Dealing with all of these awful things on a daily basis would be too hard for me. I think Ollie is becoming more comfortable with all of these things because he experiences them every day. I continue to hope that Ollie does not become immune to these tragedies and become abusive like the other medics.
So far Ollie has shown an eagerness to help, but I am unsure whether he will be able to keep up that attitude when he is surrounded by so many horrible things. I think this will take a toll on his relationships and how he even views himself. Hopefully is able to remain a "good guy".
Source
Burke, Shannon. Black Flies. New York: Soft Skull P, 2008.
*Black Flies should be underlined
One day Ollie and LaFontaine are talking and LaFontaine asks Ollie to guess what day he is on. Not understanding, Ollie asks what he is talking about. LaFontaine replies, "Seventeen days without anyone thanking me. I keep track," (Burke 35). Ollie has grown up in a stable family and is used to people being polite and grateful for help. He does not quite no how to respond to the comment and just sits there. Even though Ollie is adapting to the difficult life of a medic in Harlem, I think he still believes people are good and have just gone through hard times. He is starting to realize that not all people are naturally good and polite and just need a little help to break free from their current surroundings. I am shocked that people do not thank the medics that just saved their lives. A life is very valuable, and if someone saves it for you, that is a big deal. Thinking about this, maybe the patients don't say thank you because they do not feel as if their lives were valuable. They live in one of the worst, most poverty stricken, crime ridden cities in the United States and might not feel as if life is totally worth living. This is something I can continue to look for.
Ollie later mentions some things he has seen but the reader has not been given a full account of. The medics are sitting around talking and they talk about how messed up the city is. They mention things they see on a daily basis, like, "...a teenager giving birth in a hallway, a guy lighting himself on fire and jumping out a window, dozens of rotting bodies in various stages of decay," (Burke 49). Sadly, this is becoming Ollie's life. He is surrounded by so much destruction and despair. It has caused some of the other medics to abandon their morals, and this could very easily happen to Ollie. I am still shocked at how difficult like as a medic is. Dealing with all of these awful things on a daily basis would be too hard for me. I think Ollie is becoming more comfortable with all of these things because he experiences them every day. I continue to hope that Ollie does not become immune to these tragedies and become abusive like the other medics.
So far Ollie has shown an eagerness to help, but I am unsure whether he will be able to keep up that attitude when he is surrounded by so many horrible things. I think this will take a toll on his relationships and how he even views himself. Hopefully is able to remain a "good guy".
Source
Burke, Shannon. Black Flies. New York: Soft Skull P, 2008.
*Black Flies should be underlined
Black Flies #1
Shannon Burke's novel Black Flies is the story of Ollie Cross, a paramedic in Harlem in the 1990s. Ollie wants to go to medical school and be a doctor, but he does not have good enough MCAT scores to get in. In order to get some experience, Ollie works on an ambulance. He is shocked by what he finds. Ollie expected the medics to truly love saving people, however he learns not all the medics are the "good guys". They may treat patients, but they do not always do it with kindness and often abuse the people they are "helping". The patients are as diverse as the medics. Ollie encounters everyone from old homeless asthmatics to teenagers who have committed suicide to an obese man found rotting in his apartment. Black Flies recounts Ollie's experiences and how he responds to different emergency situations. When Ollie originally joins the Harlem medics, he is partnered with Rutkovsky, the veteran of the group. He immediately likes Rutkovsky because he is an excellent medic who does not abuse the patients or seek praise. So far in the novel Ollie is just adapting to the life of a paramedic and continues to be shocked by the people and injuries he comes in contact with.
Ollie's first real challenge comes when he is called to the scene of a teen suicide. A girl was found after jumping off a thirty floor building dead. It is not just the death that shocks him, it is the gruesomeness of it. Upon reaching the body Rutkovsky, "...bent and felt her neck and the back of her skill and lifted her shirt to examine her torso and saw what she'd done before she jumped - in rough, scraggly, red letters the words LIFE SUCKS were carved into her belly," (Burke 6). Ollie is just out of college and comes from a nice family. This is not something is he used to. Because the girl is obviously dead and does not require medical attention, Ollie is too stunned by what he is seeing to act. He watches his partner examine the body but does not participate. It must have come as quite a shock to discover the world is really so dark. I can relate to Ollie, coming from a nice family where I do not come into contact with death on a daily basis. This was disgusting for me to even read about! Just imagining the girl feeling so opressed by death that she would carve her stomach and jump of a building is enough to make me queasy. Reading this really made me decide not to go into medicine. Experiencing these things and having to be the strong person who acts and does not let the scene disturb them would not work for me. This scene broke my heart to hear of a girl so mad at life that she would kill herself, but also makes me squirm in disgust picturing the body.
I was also shocked to hear some of the terrible things the paramedics do. I would like to think that medics are the good guys who want to help everyone, but reading about these medics abusing their patients, leaving rotting dog carcases in each other's cars and taking pictures of them holding dead body parts really made me reconsider this thought. One of the medics that Ollie works with is LaFontaine. He likes to think of himself as the "big man on campus" who doesn't care about his patients and can take advantage of them. LaFontaine keeps, "... a snapshot of himself holding a fourteen-year-old girl's head like a bowling ball with his fingers in her nostrils, and in the alley in the background, forty-ouncers set up like bowling pins, as if he were about to roll her head at the bottles," (Burke 34). Ollie is once again shocked that a person he thought was a hero for saving lives could be so disrespectful to a dead girl. He is beginning to realize that things are not always as they seem to be. Someone may wear the medic outfit and save lives, but in actuality they are abusive to patients and disrespect them once they are dead. Picturing the photo is my head is very disturbing. Like Ollie, I like to think of paramedics as the good guys who like to help everyone as much as possible. I do think that one of the reasons these medics are so messed up is because of what they experience every day. They work in Harlem, so they see lots of nasty sights. After a while that takes a toll on a person and they become insensitive to it. I am hoping that Ollie does not fall into those habits and is able to remember that he wants to work in medicine to help others, not just make a pay check.
Black Flies is a very interesting account of life as a medic. I am hoping being a medic in Harlem is more gruesome than being a medic in most other places because if this is what is actually occuring all over the United States, that is a very disturbing thought. Hopefully Ollie is able to stand true to his morals and makes a difference in the lives of the people he helps.
Source
Burke, Shannon. Black Flies. New York: Soft Skull P, 2008.
*Black Flies should be underlined
Ollie's first real challenge comes when he is called to the scene of a teen suicide. A girl was found after jumping off a thirty floor building dead. It is not just the death that shocks him, it is the gruesomeness of it. Upon reaching the body Rutkovsky, "...bent and felt her neck and the back of her skill and lifted her shirt to examine her torso and saw what she'd done before she jumped - in rough, scraggly, red letters the words LIFE SUCKS were carved into her belly," (Burke 6). Ollie is just out of college and comes from a nice family. This is not something is he used to. Because the girl is obviously dead and does not require medical attention, Ollie is too stunned by what he is seeing to act. He watches his partner examine the body but does not participate. It must have come as quite a shock to discover the world is really so dark. I can relate to Ollie, coming from a nice family where I do not come into contact with death on a daily basis. This was disgusting for me to even read about! Just imagining the girl feeling so opressed by death that she would carve her stomach and jump of a building is enough to make me queasy. Reading this really made me decide not to go into medicine. Experiencing these things and having to be the strong person who acts and does not let the scene disturb them would not work for me. This scene broke my heart to hear of a girl so mad at life that she would kill herself, but also makes me squirm in disgust picturing the body.
I was also shocked to hear some of the terrible things the paramedics do. I would like to think that medics are the good guys who want to help everyone, but reading about these medics abusing their patients, leaving rotting dog carcases in each other's cars and taking pictures of them holding dead body parts really made me reconsider this thought. One of the medics that Ollie works with is LaFontaine. He likes to think of himself as the "big man on campus" who doesn't care about his patients and can take advantage of them. LaFontaine keeps, "... a snapshot of himself holding a fourteen-year-old girl's head like a bowling ball with his fingers in her nostrils, and in the alley in the background, forty-ouncers set up like bowling pins, as if he were about to roll her head at the bottles," (Burke 34). Ollie is once again shocked that a person he thought was a hero for saving lives could be so disrespectful to a dead girl. He is beginning to realize that things are not always as they seem to be. Someone may wear the medic outfit and save lives, but in actuality they are abusive to patients and disrespect them once they are dead. Picturing the photo is my head is very disturbing. Like Ollie, I like to think of paramedics as the good guys who like to help everyone as much as possible. I do think that one of the reasons these medics are so messed up is because of what they experience every day. They work in Harlem, so they see lots of nasty sights. After a while that takes a toll on a person and they become insensitive to it. I am hoping that Ollie does not fall into those habits and is able to remember that he wants to work in medicine to help others, not just make a pay check.
Black Flies is a very interesting account of life as a medic. I am hoping being a medic in Harlem is more gruesome than being a medic in most other places because if this is what is actually occuring all over the United States, that is a very disturbing thought. Hopefully Ollie is able to stand true to his morals and makes a difference in the lives of the people he helps.
Source
Burke, Shannon. Black Flies. New York: Soft Skull P, 2008.
*Black Flies should be underlined
Monday, January 19, 2009
A Million Little Pieces #6
A Million Little Pieces is James Frey's account of his six weeks in rehab for drug and alcohol addiction. At age 23, Frey has been an addict for over a decade. One day he wakes up to find himself on a plane headed to an unkown destination. His parents meet him at the airport and bring him to a treatment center in Minnesota. At first James does not want to get better, but with the help of friends and counselors he learns how special life is. He falls in love with Lilly, a crack addict and prostitute who is in rehab as well. James befriends an organized crime leader, judges, boxers, and everything in between. His friends would not all be friends outside of rehab, but being in the same situation brings them together. With a family program put on by the clinic James is able to reconcile with his parents and repair some of the damage from his past. James is tested and tempted, but through it all he is able to remain sober.
In this last section, James is released from rehab. The night before he leaves James can't sleep. He walks outside and thinks to himself, "I am scared. I am scared of leaving here. I am scared of losing the protection and security that exists within these boundaries. I am scared of going to Jail, I am scared of alcohol and drugs and I am scared of drinking alcohol and using drugs," (Frey 416). I think that being scared shows James is truly ready to live a sober life. It shows how James has realized how much better his life is without drugs and alcohol and is afraid of what will happen if he starts using again. James has gotten comfortable with being sober in a very controlled, safe environment, but being outside where there are drugs and alcohol is going to be very difficult. Hopefully this fear will help James resist the temptation of using and will keep him sober. After a long night, James says goodbye to his friends, counselors, and everyone who helped him out at the clinic. He even breaks the rules, once again, and says goodbye to Lilly and tells her he loves her. James is picked up by his brother and friend. When asked what he wants to do, James replies that he wants to go to a bar. His brother is disappointed, but knows that James will find a way to a bar and it would be best if he was there to watch over him. At the bar, James orders a huge glass of whiskey. He sits there with his nose in the drink, his body pleading for it. James looks up into the mirror behind the bar and looks into his eyes and is happy with what he sees. He realizes he has a simple decision, to drink or not. He calls to the barkeep and says, "Dump this sh*t down the f*cking drain. I don't want it," (Frey 429). James made up his mind not to drink, and was strong enough to turn down the addiction that was staring him right in the face. This is James' first time durning down a drink without something or someone there to stop him, he did it because he wanted to. He has come a long way from chugging gas station wine in the begining to turning down his favorite whiskey. Hopefully living sober will only get easier for James. At the very end James informs us of how all of the people in the story ended up. Unfortunately, not all of the stories have happy endings, but at least James has remained sober and has never relapsed. I congratulate him on his journey so far and with him luck with what is to come in his life.
Source
Frey, James. A Million Little Pieces. New York: Anchor, 2005. *A Million Little Pieces should be underlined, but BlogSpot won't let me
In this last section, James is released from rehab. The night before he leaves James can't sleep. He walks outside and thinks to himself, "I am scared. I am scared of leaving here. I am scared of losing the protection and security that exists within these boundaries. I am scared of going to Jail, I am scared of alcohol and drugs and I am scared of drinking alcohol and using drugs," (Frey 416). I think that being scared shows James is truly ready to live a sober life. It shows how James has realized how much better his life is without drugs and alcohol and is afraid of what will happen if he starts using again. James has gotten comfortable with being sober in a very controlled, safe environment, but being outside where there are drugs and alcohol is going to be very difficult. Hopefully this fear will help James resist the temptation of using and will keep him sober. After a long night, James says goodbye to his friends, counselors, and everyone who helped him out at the clinic. He even breaks the rules, once again, and says goodbye to Lilly and tells her he loves her. James is picked up by his brother and friend. When asked what he wants to do, James replies that he wants to go to a bar. His brother is disappointed, but knows that James will find a way to a bar and it would be best if he was there to watch over him. At the bar, James orders a huge glass of whiskey. He sits there with his nose in the drink, his body pleading for it. James looks up into the mirror behind the bar and looks into his eyes and is happy with what he sees. He realizes he has a simple decision, to drink or not. He calls to the barkeep and says, "Dump this sh*t down the f*cking drain. I don't want it," (Frey 429). James made up his mind not to drink, and was strong enough to turn down the addiction that was staring him right in the face. This is James' first time durning down a drink without something or someone there to stop him, he did it because he wanted to. He has come a long way from chugging gas station wine in the begining to turning down his favorite whiskey. Hopefully living sober will only get easier for James. At the very end James informs us of how all of the people in the story ended up. Unfortunately, not all of the stories have happy endings, but at least James has remained sober and has never relapsed. I congratulate him on his journey so far and with him luck with what is to come in his life.
Source
Frey, James. A Million Little Pieces. New York: Anchor, 2005. *A Million Little Pieces should be underlined, but BlogSpot won't let me
Sunday, January 11, 2009
A Million Little Pieces #5
James Frey writes his trip through drug and alcohol addiction treatment in his memoir A Million Little Pieces. Thus far in the story, James has woken up on a plane all beat up not knowing where he is. He is taken to a rehab facility in Minnesota and has a hard time accepting the program. He falls in love with Lilly, a former prostitute and a recovering crack addict. Along the way he chooses to go after her when she relapses and brings her back to the center. In the most recent section of the book, James prepares to leave the center. A few days before James is scheduled to leave, his best friend Leonard leaves. As a sort of going away present to his friends, Leonard caters in food and pays for the championship wrestling match to be shown on t.v. It allows the men to feel normal for a while and to relax. When Leonard leaves, he asks James to be a sort of son to him. James is honored, and accepts. After Leonard departs, James is on to the final step of his recovery that is to be completed at the rehab center. He writes a list of all his bad actions so that he can tell a priest and he can start his life fresh, with no regrets. While with the priest, James admits that he hates priests because while in Paris, he was sexually assulted by a priest and he beat the priest up so badly he might have died. After admitting everything, James feels renewed and ready to start his life over.
Throughout the book I have been struck by how well James describes the need the addicts have to fill themselves. This makes the addiction so much more real and powerful when it is an actual need, no longer a choice. While observing the men eat while watching the wrestling match James says, "The food is a drug, a drink, a chemical, a substance. No one cares that they are getting all they can handle, that they have more than they need. If they could, the men would eat the furniture, the bookshelves, the plates, the napkins, the banquet tables, the coffee machine," (Frey 378). Saying that the men would eat the furniture shows how great the need to fill is. If drugs and alcohol are not around, addicts still need to fill themselves. By carrying this immense need throughout the book, Frey does an excellent job of explaining that an addiction never goes away. Even in treatment, the men feel the need to fill. Though they get better at controling the need, it is always present.
Throughout the book I have been struck by how well James describes the need the addicts have to fill themselves. This makes the addiction so much more real and powerful when it is an actual need, no longer a choice. While observing the men eat while watching the wrestling match James says, "The food is a drug, a drink, a chemical, a substance. No one cares that they are getting all they can handle, that they have more than they need. If they could, the men would eat the furniture, the bookshelves, the plates, the napkins, the banquet tables, the coffee machine," (Frey 378). Saying that the men would eat the furniture shows how great the need to fill is. If drugs and alcohol are not around, addicts still need to fill themselves. By carrying this immense need throughout the book, Frey does an excellent job of explaining that an addiction never goes away. Even in treatment, the men feel the need to fill. Though they get better at controling the need, it is always present.
As Leonard turns to leave, he gives James one last piece of advice. He says, "Be strong. Live honorable and with dignity. When you don't think you can, hold on. I'm proud of you and you should be proud of yourself" (Frey 391). This is incredibly important for James to hear. He feels that there are others cheering him on and supporting him, which he has never experienced before. He is used to being a disappointment, and hearing that someone is proud of him is something new to James. Knowing that Leonard has faith in James gives James more faith in himself. Leonard does not scold James for his past, he simply advises James on how to live out the future. Such hope makes James feel like he can live sober. Without Leonard to support him, it will be hard for James, but hopefully the last piece of advice will help James through it.
So far in treatment, James has been tested. He has come into direct contact with drugs, but has refrained because he had to rescue Lilly. Once he is out of the center, I am curious how he will do when faced with his addictions. I am hoping things will turn out for the best, but without something more important present to stop him, I am not so sure. Granted, I know that he stays sober because it says so on the back of the book, but I am attempting to read the story as if I don't know the outcome. Even so, I wish James the best of luck.
Source
Frey, James. A Million Little Pieces. New York: Anchor, 2005. *A Million Little Pieces should be underlined, but BlogSpot won't let me
Sunday, January 4, 2009
A Million Little Pieces #4
A Million Pieces is James Frey's account of his time in rehab for his drug and alcohol addiction. At age twenty-three, James has been an adict for a decade. After waking up on a plane all beat up, James is taken to a treatment center. He originally wants to leave, but is convinced to stay by Leonard, a friend. James meets Lilly and, even though male-female relationships are off limits, the two fall in love. James' parents come to visit and they grow closer than ever once the whole story of James' addiction is out in the open. Even though James is sentenced to jail, his family gathers around him and supports him. In the latest section I read, James' parents have just left the center. Suddenly, Lilly calls James from her floor and informs him that she just found out her grandma has cancer and will die within six months. Lilly's grandma is the only one who believed in Lilly and treater her like a person, so the news devastates Lilly. James agrees to meet her in the woods, where they are caught together. James and Lilly are given a chance to continue at the center but are forbidden to see eachother. Upon hearing this, Lilly walks out. Taking a huge risk, James leaves to find her. James finds a crack dealer and learns that Lilly is in an abandon building where people go to smoke. He takes a huge risk and goes to get Lilly. He is so tempted to use the drugs so close to him in the building, but his love for Lilly is stronger. When he finds her, she is high. James takes her back with him to the clinic where she is put back in detoxification.
James' incredible actions keep me hooked on the story, but his true skill in writing comes from his ability to make the emotions and needs of people around him so evident. For example, the telephone is so much more than a phone. James describes communications as normal and, "In here, everything resembling normalcy is coveted. The phone is always busy because men want to be in contact with the normal outside world. Letters are eagerly awaited and opened because they are physical contact with it," (Frey 332). This really made me think about how much I take for granted. I can go out with friends. I can walk through my neighborhood. I can have pain killers when I have surgery (which James has to go without when he gets a double root canal). I think going without these things, like the men and women in rehab, would be very difficult because it is just my normal way of life. Through the examples of the phone and letters, I feel the desperate want something "normal".
When James is in the building to retrieve Lilly, he walks past many people smoking crack before he finds her. When he steps in one room to look for Lilly, "The smell of crack, like bittersweet peppermint gasoline, drifts through the room. The smell taunts me and it enrages me I would love to taste that smell, but I want Lilly more than the great and terrible rock," (Frey 353). To me, this part in the book is a confirmation to me that James is able to get better. The reader sees that drugs do not rule James' life like they used to. His priorities have been arranged, and love comes before addiction. It also shows how strong James' love for Lilly is. If he is willing to pass up crack, his drug of choice, for her, he must really love her. This just really makes me feel like James can get better. He was tested, and did not choose the drugs. Even though this is a huge step for James, I wonder how he will do when Lilly or another priority isn't there to stop him from drinking or doing drugs. I hope he is strong enough, but recovery is a long, difficult journey.
James has really improved from someone who only cared about his next high, to a man who would risk everything for the woman he loves. James Frey continues to draw me into the story with a totally different view of addiction. I can only see it as an outsider from a more scientific point of view, but James writes about the emotions and struggles that come with rehab. I am very interested to see how the James does with his recovery.
Source
Frey, James. A Million Little Pieces. New York: Anchor, 2005.*A Million Little Pieces should be underlined, but BlogSpot won't let me
James' incredible actions keep me hooked on the story, but his true skill in writing comes from his ability to make the emotions and needs of people around him so evident. For example, the telephone is so much more than a phone. James describes communications as normal and, "In here, everything resembling normalcy is coveted. The phone is always busy because men want to be in contact with the normal outside world. Letters are eagerly awaited and opened because they are physical contact with it," (Frey 332). This really made me think about how much I take for granted. I can go out with friends. I can walk through my neighborhood. I can have pain killers when I have surgery (which James has to go without when he gets a double root canal). I think going without these things, like the men and women in rehab, would be very difficult because it is just my normal way of life. Through the examples of the phone and letters, I feel the desperate want something "normal".
When James is in the building to retrieve Lilly, he walks past many people smoking crack before he finds her. When he steps in one room to look for Lilly, "The smell of crack, like bittersweet peppermint gasoline, drifts through the room. The smell taunts me and it enrages me I would love to taste that smell, but I want Lilly more than the great and terrible rock," (Frey 353). To me, this part in the book is a confirmation to me that James is able to get better. The reader sees that drugs do not rule James' life like they used to. His priorities have been arranged, and love comes before addiction. It also shows how strong James' love for Lilly is. If he is willing to pass up crack, his drug of choice, for her, he must really love her. This just really makes me feel like James can get better. He was tested, and did not choose the drugs. Even though this is a huge step for James, I wonder how he will do when Lilly or another priority isn't there to stop him from drinking or doing drugs. I hope he is strong enough, but recovery is a long, difficult journey.
James has really improved from someone who only cared about his next high, to a man who would risk everything for the woman he loves. James Frey continues to draw me into the story with a totally different view of addiction. I can only see it as an outsider from a more scientific point of view, but James writes about the emotions and struggles that come with rehab. I am very interested to see how the James does with his recovery.
Source
Frey, James. A Million Little Pieces. New York: Anchor, 2005.*A Million Little Pieces should be underlined, but BlogSpot won't let me
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